Swiss Sojourner

Just Another Normal Day

2008-08-01T03:50:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SWISS NATIONAL DAY!!!!!!!!

Don't be confused by the title. I asked Petra yesterday what the festivities were going to be and she said "nothing, just another normal day". There's Petra for you. We've been hanging up lanterns on roof tops and stringing them across the grounds with brooms the entire morning! We've been setting off fireworks and taking loads of pictures! We've been playing swiss music and making duct taped CH and + shirts! I've never been somewhere for their celebration of independence and wanted so strongly to actually BE of that nationality, and actually BE so proud!
Michele has been showing us how to throw off stink color bombs!

It's not just the mountains here that give me a warm soup for my heart to stand in, it's the people. The women with their smart faces, thin lips, and short boy hair cuts, their dyed red on brown hair, and their small diamond nose pierces, their stocky figured and small teeth, how Petra always looks like she's ready to explode with either complaining, love, or laughter. It's how the boys chop wood and I hang lights, and how we laugh until we knew no other sounds our mouths could make. We listen to only swiss music today.

There is a family here of three kids and a mom, they took off the last 6 months and have been traveling around Africa and Southeast Asia together. I loved it, I wanted it, I plan to do the same. They are 12, 14, and 16. What a lucky fam'!

Yesterday, we had ourselves some darn fun. Camera Nero and I went to do the Via Ferratta (Latin for Iron way) which brings you over tightropes through waterfalls and over valleys, and a giant iron bridge across an 1000 foot clip (where I want to say my vows) which was pretty scary, and past cliff faces. You are clipped on the whole time, and it takes about 3 hours. Later that night, we were all in the hot tub till 1AM telling stories in round about climbing up an old man's beard on the mountain. I also have another photo project started with another traveler. It's called: The Quickest Thing That Bonds: A photo series of objects that bring people closer.

I love my life!

I can't believe tomorrow I will be driving two guys through Europe (I'm the only one that knows how to drive stick and those of you that know me know that even that's a little bit of a joke). I can't believe I've been here for a month! I feel so accomplished: I DID IT!!! I carefully relayed all my ancient, polished kitchen knowledge to the next, "Kitchen Bitch", and packed my room, leaving spots of love in my room, for the next person to inhabit it. It does not belong to me. I own nothing. I showed him the intimacies of how to clean the stove, organize the food, and shine them floors. My job here, my time for now, is finished. There is nothing left to do. I wish I could open my ears to hear the parting words of the mountain, but last time I tried to eat dinner with it, the Creature of Truth said "go hang out with your own people, Katie." and I did :)

I can't say it's my last day, or I explode like one of those fireworks. I can say, it's my last day for awhile.

Yesterday I had a few conversations which sparked. One about how I need to put God first, and a few more about spirituality. One more about how, if I really want to write, I should go somewhere very, very, more 'out of the norm' than here. At first I was offended, but I put that advice in a very special place in me. It rings faintly true, and also has the possibility of false.

I have to say, I am afraid of the impending focus. I'm dreading how after this trip, my focus needs to be acting. acting. acting. If I'm reading something it should be a script. I don't need to be studying German, I should spend my time memorizing monologues. I've made the choice to make this commitment. To try to do little else. To really go for it. To focus this all in, I'm a little weary of it, but its the most necessary thing. :)

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:

Lscocc Disease was following me around with a pistol, and pointing it at me an my male friends, specifically Sji Theone and an old director. It wasn't great.

.:.:.
the swiss husbands are leaving their wives for others in the mountains. the swiss wemon are hard pressed for men.

.:.:.
OMG!!!

As I am sitting here, an accordian is playing at the bar behind me. I have just seen the most spectacular firework show of my whole entire life amongst the Swiss Alps! It is Swiss National Day and we paraded through the town of Gimmelwald with our swiss flag candle lanterns and then watched the show! Beforehand, Bruno played the accordian for us as well (Bruno, is the one I fell in love with weeks ago at the festival, and he remembered me!!!) I would TOTALLY marry for swiss heritage. "My dad was swiss, and my mom, well, she got swiss" haha. There are decorations everywhere and Michele keeps wanting to go out with me and do MORE sparklers! I have the biggest bestest family ever and you could even see the fireworks in Wengen in the shapes of rectangles and squares, and the ones here got SO close to you (not a surprise with how close the mountains are). We both love this town, does love need anything else? He doesn't believe in loving a state "because a state cannot love back" He and I are both bored by the city, I just don't know if I could deal with a husband named "Bruno"
haha.

TO THE ALPS! www.vrmooshe.blogspot.com

Title Forgotton

2008-07-31T02:41:00.000-07:00

I love my boys
I wake them up in the morning
to clean the kitchen
give them juice after they mow the lawn
tell them everything is ok
sing when they play guitar
let them beat me at pool
have them plan our trip to France

What I'm writing on the Wall

2008-07-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

Beauty,
is the shape of what's affected
and is rarely pretty.
eerie.
when it's the only option out there
Beauty,
welcomes notice
and does not tolerate ignore
Beauty,
is the choice to stand up
against what doesn't want it to exist.

If it is possible that Sahara sand sleeps atop the Alps,
and there are glaciers in Argentina...
then maybe the lion has lay down with the lamb
and no one noticed.

The whole world. every shape and soul
longs to be noticed

Tell me, How are Fog and Mountain?

are they... spooning?

If you haven't noticed, the fog and mountain are lovers
and the fog performs a rightfully sexy dance,
which the Eiger. Monch. Jungfrau
embraces into her inner valley.

The fog says
i like you
the mountain says
i like you

Sometimes, they are gone for days, eloping to create the baby,
snow.

I am not here now,
so you'll have to notice them for me

Every shape and soul

hello

-V.R.Mooshe, with contributions from Sji Theone

Professional Avalance Instigator

2008-07-30T03:35:00.000-07:00

My friends made a joke. They said my new job was to be taken up in a helicopter and laugh at the location where an avalanche was needed to release snow.
(once again, those of you who know me....will understand the truth and endearment of this statement)

when I tell people at the hostel I am writing a book of poetry, they are very supportive. Thank you for that!

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:
I had the most amazing dream last night, in fact, it was my favorite dreams of all times! I was pregnant! I had a baby, but when I thought back to the birth, it was entirely painless, easy, and clear. It was a boy! And he was the same age as Trevor and Caydence (entirely impossible in real life) I was grateful that he could bond with his cousins in a way I couldn't bond with my brother and sister when I was young, due to the age gap. He was a love, and my favorite thing in the world. He would climb all over me as if I were a rocky mountain. He was very, very, small. And once again, clear. His father was Emiah Lighter, and he had his face, a very long human man face for a baby. Emiah didn't know that he had a son, and had just come back from the sea. I was taking care of Caydence and mine at the same time, but I lost my baby boy. I think he had fallen off the crib somewhere, but it wasn't scary, just disconcerting. I was very excited to call Emiah and say "You have a son" because then we would have a reason to be together. But then I knew he'd say "I didn't even know you were pregnant" and my honest response would have to be "I didn't either". Anyways, I woke up feeling fulfilled. The relationship between me and this child was so right.

.:.:.

"I wonder what it would be like to live here?"
"...what would you like to know?"

"To the Alps!"

2008-07-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

One of the most endearing things about the hostel is how people who were not previously gathered at the hostel, will gather out in front in awe of the latest strikingly beautiful thing.
Sometimes it is how the fog caresses the inner thighs of the valley
but last night it was the line of neon pink that strutted across the lower third of the snowcapped peaks. Suddenly everyone is out watching as if the apocalypse is about to whisper a secret that only the mountains can hear.

Everyone gathers in the name of beauty
beauty
Beauty is the shape of what's affected
eerie when it is the only option
out there
Beauty is what stands up against what doesn't want it to be there
Beauty
is the choice to stand
beauty is not always pretty
and does not always choose its battles

.:.:.

what i was talking about yesterday, backing up against the other side
I did that today!
the boys and I went to Trummelbach falls and although it ripped 11 dollars out of my pocket
it was so refreshing, reminding me of every river trip I have ever been to,
and I saw the relationship that I want, presented in rock form. That picture will take about a month to get up here, but it will.
.:.:.

A British woman tells me not to leave my stuff on the bench when I am at the river. That, the noise of the water would disguise a robber as silence. I don't think she understands, that this is Switzerland. The river is as busy as the city
it always has somewhere to go
and maybe she, in her Britishness
has confused it with the NY metro
perhaps she is confused
I don't think she understands
that trust, and freedom, are taken seriously
I don't think I understood
that trust, and freedom, are taken seriously

.:.:.

If too much of a good thing is a bad thing, then what does that say about marriage?

.:.:.

I ran to escape the hostel to my spot on top of an eyeball.

.:.:.

I did something
once and entirely
without knowing what I was doing
at all

.:.:.

His biggest secret is that he's not happy here. And i have to throw it all away, or I will become like plaster and cement, and understand him all too well.
Understanding others, is the only key to making anything ok
but there are some things that just aren't. And I'm afraid that understanding them would make them so, in some indecipherable sense.

.:.:

learning how to play flippy cups, spoons, and I already know kings. oh, and the famous name game (which I did way better than I would have thought

.:.:.

but i haven't figured out if I am good yet
and I don't want your book to end, so I don't finish it.
I played piano for 9 years and I only know two songs.
I take back everything I said about Londoners: this one can play the piano like a tulip
I only know one thing for sure: you have to loose everything you have

.:.:.

I guess, if all goes right, the mountain will still be here when I get old, that is, if I do get old, "that is, if there is gold left"-

.:.:.

3 days and its winter on top, and summer on bottom, a greener green

.:.:.

nothing is better than Peacecore Guitar playing and me dancing, along

.:.:.

her fear is that her life is just as mundane as theirs, and by joining them, it would hit her in the face

what can people do? if you can't get out of your skin, where can you go to?

.:.:.

i'm on the other side of darkness
on the other side of pain
i'm on the other side of sadness
on the other side of why for waking up
i'm on the other side in Mountain
but my back side Harry Potter turbin is behind, attached
on. off
I hope it doesn't turn all the way back around.
I could go hiking in AZ, and just cry at the top
beacuse it is not here. The place won't cry with me
because it will never know

.:.:.

i never loved myself more

.:.:.
just give me 20 minutes to mourn off every traveler
just 20 minutes to comply
please grant this rustic pleasure
so that I may
continue
only child never was my name
but grant me 20 minutes just the same.

.:.:.

today I'm beginning to see the mt again: what a gift!
I'm ok with not seeing it; as long as I'm aware that i'm not.
the past cannot be real
because stillness never falters

.:.:.

the trummelbach falls releases tons of water (and even blackened marble) from the Jungfrau, Monch, and Eiger. A friend (and reader!) wanted to know more about what "the other side" was like:

Since I was 14, I have been wanting to swoon my hands over this creation. Selfishly, I have just wanted to press my body up against it, to feel it with the most surface area of myself that I can. Just like I feel when I see how beautiful it all is, and then try to capture it with my camera, how trite. It's hard for me not to become an obsessive lover with this place, already I have been thinking "this is the last time that..." when really riding up the cable car to Murren in the rain, stopping intermittently for lighting was a first! Like I said at the beginning of my stay, I have often wondered how this side of the mountain feels, what it looks like. On my visit to Wengen,
I did see the other side. It's not exactly something I want to write about, or even explicitly explain, because it is all I can do but not to call it less beautiful. I feel those words that i just typed will send down every terror the landscapes holds and reign it down upon me. What I did see, was how loving either side of the valley was to each other. How each stands it's entire life looking at each other, and doesn't even know really what their own surfaces look like, just what they uphold, and the different weathers they have come to know exist. At the mountain, when I touch the other side, I feel as if I am being zapped with electric energy with each finger. The mountain's kinesthetic response was really just my seeping want pouring out. Has anything been more wanted? Is that enough to make something really, really special?

.:.:.

intimate

there is an intimate moment shared
in the bathroom
between two doors closed
and strangers
sitting in silence,
waiting to pee
maybe a device could be made
like a laugh track
'cept it would be a pee track
to make the bowels more safe,
but then i'd loose an intimate

there was an intimate moment
in front of lightning and Arizona skies
where every 5 seconds we clicked the camera together
but none of it was about me
i think it was about conquering some sort of lighting
i'd erase it from my memory
him, and his silly cowboy hat and us in the rain
but then i'd loose an intimate

there was an intimate moment
where I was running circles with my mouth
and he was sucking my toe
like my brother did when I was 1 and he was 10
i would dispose this memory for its possible dab into the sacrilegious but then i'd loose an intimate

there was an intimate moment
between myself and wine
where the taste was too sweet for my mind to be ransomed
i'd run it over with wisdom and respect
but i'd loose an intimate

there was an intimate moment
between myself and my regrets
and all the fun they gave me
and all the times they hissed back
i've heard them traded for complacency and mediocrity
but then i'd find myself more liar than human
and of course i'd loose an intimate

there was an intimate moment
between his fingers
and my line of giving up
my back against his meanness and
his hands around my mind
i would have rid them for any other egg yolk
to regain the moments i spent savoring this one
and lashing on the floor for miss
but i would loose a very special intimate

and no closer i would get

there was an intimate moment
between my need and her recognition
that even eyes sifting past eyes could not prevent
the warm of gushy tears
I'd run from my ability to provide any outlet
but by then i'd have missed an intimate

and no closer would I get

and by then i'd miss something intimate

and no closer would i get

:outline:

.:.:.

"that life thing, you can't get away from it can you?"
it was the 3rd time i'd seen someone in life that reminded me of Bardoff Founder
I wanted to crush all his words. and make them untrue.

28 days later...

2008-07-28T04:44:00.000-07:00

Let me try to write something coherent this time around.
I have no idea what this pop culture reference relates to, but I couldn't refuse writing it as my title.
Yesterday, when I went to see the other side,
I figured I would touch the mountain, lay a hand on the side of it, but I was then confused as to what the mountain consisted of,
is it the roads, the made walls, the trees? I wanted to lay my back up against the most background cliff and then be done,
but there was none to be found. Only further.
Have I done what I have come to do?
I sat on my bench until the thunderclouds's secrets were well overheard.
And I began to understand the mountain. It is forms and shapes and turns of how the water runs past it, and a product of how wind, erosion, and time have affected it. There are parts of me which wonder if this mountain has gotten a say in any of its beauty at all. Yes, it produces magical empowerment, but does it have choice?
I watched the crevices of the mountain, and how they stem from steep drops of water, and how it levels out. How on the flat parts, more moss grows, and at the bottom, the grey concrete loose rock is from the falling of the water. I noticed how I don't really see the mountain at all, but it's parts: the over mounting cliff face, the valley and it's large river, the waterfalls, or water stains on the cliffs (depending on how dry it is). I saw these things and wondered what the mountain, itself can choose. Am I loving skin? Cabinets? I am parts, as she is. So it steals nothing from the heart, but I don't know how I feel about understanding, even nougats of it.
.:.:.

Apparently during Swiss National day there is a little bit of dichotomy between the locals and the hostel people (remember, when the entire hostel is full, it accounts for half of the entire town's population). Therefore, there is a bit of...tension Esther told me. Apparently, we go our separate ways. We'll see, but it's understandable. Why should they celebrate it so strongly if they are not Swiss? Well, clearly, because it is beautiful.

.:.

One of the most loving sights of the Bernese Oberland region is how the houses are perched so carefully on vertical landscape to see....the other side. When two houses are facing each other-well, it's very touching. It's like they worked so hard and so long just to be able to say "hey, I see you".

.:.:.

I would highly recommend a very well-done children's book called A Bell For Ursli, about a swiss boy who finally gains a very large cow bell of his own. Saw it in Wengen, a town much more commercial with more construction than farmy, "time-warp" Gimmelwald, with lots of shops.

.:.:.

The water, as it falls into the waterfall is scared
of death
and it shutters
little does it know it will evaporate
before even really hitting the
next level
and it
will be saved
from knowledge of death
maybe that's what its like

.:.:.

I met two guys here last week, and they are staying here until I do.
They are both from the states, and to be trusted.
We're going to rent a car when we leave, and take it to the boarder of France and Spain, where the Pyrenees meet the ocean.
it may deplete all savings I have, but it will be the cheapest way in a while to get to somewhere I've never been before.
I'll drive it 8 hours back before catching my plane. This part I'm not looking SO forward to, but it is more cost effectively.
A high price to pay for freedom.
A small price to pay for adventure.
:)

.:.:.

DREAMS OF V.R. MOOSHE:

I arrived on the day of my old friend's wedding (which is in fact the unfortunate truth) and Lsocc Disease was wearing a shirt he once made for me. My mom was there too, but everyone was wearing the wrong clothes. Then, a semi truck filled with highschool students which were actually paper card cut outs, crashed all into each other.
I woke up on a pull out couch with the rest of the boys, who said they wanted to take an early swim in the hot tub.

Crossing Over

2008-07-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Today I finally did it. I saw the other side of the mountain
what we are perched on
from the side that I've spent all month admiring
it was unsettling
and unexpectedly
humble.
The valley towards Lauterbrunnen
is too much beauty to take in
and felt an awful lot like falling in love.
Made my life hungry, made everything made an odd sort of sense.

August is a rough crowd at the hostel.
The busy season ended a couple weeks ago
and so there are less people to socialize with
although I have a core group, of guys who will ride out the rave with me till the end
and then to the French Pyranees we go. To do the camino de Santiago.
A boy of 9 years old walks around cleaning up all the empty beer glasses around me.
Michele Petra's 9 year old daughter fluffs up my checks, asks if I want anything to drink, and frankly tells me how to play spoons. "It's easy" she says, and translates for her German friends
now, she teaches me how to break dance
.:.:.

I'm not liking the way my nose is turning out
from watching the movie, My girl
I figure it is the only thing
that's really mine
wearing my hair wet and down looks like my nipples are crying for bigger breasts.

the mountain knows a thing or two about death
and aging. I found varicose veins on my legs today
and just wishes they would be in a more interesting shape
tired of bubbling lava muscles
why can't they just burn like fire?
The creature of truth says death is the best alternative
to waste.

nothing can ever be held close enough to stay
except for my nose, who's new shape i am shunning
my mother killed her first hamster by hugging it too closely to her chest
that's how I lost my second promise
apparently I am an obsessive lover, because I decided to stay 30 days staring into the gills of the Mountain

how did you come so early and leave so soon?
how did you manage to find that cheap yellow pass
my father always said leave early before the rest
why am i wearing your socks
on
my chest?

let it be missed
let it be missed
enough is to plenty

why did I lie and say you were second best?
why did i leave that keep cool and dry package inside the right pocket of your vest
why did i listen so well to everyone else?

let it be missed
let it be missed
enough is to plenty

there will always be another pretty girl

.:.:.
Dreams of V.R. Mooshe

Shadow, the black hostel cat, attacked me.

Do people understand how much good there is to get?

2008-07-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

It's easy to forget that you're alone, living in a hostel.
Easy to pretend you are not alone
Which in fact, you are not
at a hostel.

Being in public transportation explodes my alone identity
and gives it no release

Where is the line between separation and togetherness?
melting unity and stark unison
is Skin all it takes to keep one person from being another?
Does being in a body mean we are really by ourselves?

We are pulsing between who we want to be, and who we've beat ourselves up for being.

Even beauty becomes eerie when its all you see.
The mountain knows a thing or two about death

-Do you think the mountain feel stuck?
-Not in its timespan. In the mountain's time, it probably feels very momentary

yes.

I don't know which is greater, my fear of always
or
never
being alone.

.:.:.
Moment Picture 2

swiss pinwheels squeak
cable car wheels spin
2 girls on grass hill, talking
helicopter flying over
warm woods underneath jeans
invisible perfect weather
girl caressing paper pages
tinkling of swiss bells
water rushing river
pool balls sorting
wood heated hot tub heating, sending steam
cautious scratch of pen
walkers footstep up from cable car
strike of pool balls with scotch taped stick
shoulder length blond hair
canyons writing notebook.

One Guitar Blue Gutair

2008-07-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

Today was fabulous. After finishing Maya Angelou's auto biography, I walked into the dining area at the hostel and saw none other but THE OFFICE!!!!! playing on someone's macbook pro. Wow. After craving television for so long, my favorite show just comes up and greets me. It really was wonderful, and we watched 5 episodes, and I'm still as into Jim and Pam as ever, and the theme song is, well it's just a theme song. ;) This evening I have finally become one of the boys, we stay up late drinking and singing songs from the 60's and I feel like I have finally accomplished turning into my mother. Peacecore Guitar even picked something up at the Super Market for me, and I found a girl that works at the local cheese shop who leaves the same day I do. I figure, I may as well just stay. In between all these events, I trimmed a man's beard. I felt like my mother, and how she used to trim my father's hair in a style that always seemed out of a sepia toned photograph, none of the men I have been with have been man enough to need a beard trim, and I loved the fact that I had no idea what I was doing, that he trusted me, and that it turned out alright. I love it when people let me get close.

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:
I was, again, graduating high school, but on the top of a Shilthorn-like area. Evan Teacher was like....floating behind me and
I told him that I didn't have anything to sing for graduation and he cried with me. I knew in my dream it was my second graduation and I was thinking about just getting it over with by accepting my diploma.

oh, and a few nights ago I was a Papa John's delivery woman with Lscocc Disease and he hugged me and cried. I hate those ones.

Living here isn't really like living in a different country. It's more like living in a very, very, cool part of America.

I think I found my love for this place when the fire alarm started going on last night and there was a resturant filled with smoke. I ran over, and everything was ok. But first came a concern to save the place, and then a concern for me. It's a weird feeling, when you discover you'd willingly die for something.
.:.:.

I've done my time being hopeful
and now I play with my back to the mountain

Sleep
with
Feet
towards
mountain
is the equation
to prevent nightmares

I figure the mountain already has enough to deal with
so at night you'd better
watch out

there is nothing in my future but other people's death
and my own success
why is this worth seeing?

I just want the closest thing that's free
and I don't mean money.

I just want to be messed with
by people who love me

Good Morning and Welcome to the Mountain Hostel. Lock out is in 10 Minutes. Please make sure all your dishes are clean.

2008-07-24T03:15:00.000-07:00

On the other side of Mountain is an old man crusty crumbling

on the other side of Mountain is a fugue

On the other side of Mountain is granola of swiss cereal

behind, the mount was hunted for his wise.
the wise, the mount was hunted from behind

On the other side of mountain is a friend weary from famous who closed one door and opened valley wide

On the other side of Mountain is the end of what's forgiven
and the malady of boarding up one's eyes

This bumpy, chunky fixture was tired of tomorrow
and decided then to let the critics rave

about the stench caesarian, who's scar we called him river
his curse?
subject to endless days of praise

On the other side of mountain is the head of all this framework
who let his other chances make him brave.
.:.:.

I am full of miss,
Alaska.
Apparently learning how to count higher only makes everyone wear the same soul
underclothes

This being true,
I don't bother with names
anymore,
Alaska.

I tell myself I have Chinese heritage
so that my past can become a love mystery.

My soul could pick up an Asian sword and no amount of freckles
could differentiate
man to man to man
I wish you could blend with them
into an unnamed Mr. Bland

but it doesn't matter
they all have two legs,

Alaska.

and the formula can't exist
on one.

Stay in one place please
You were the first one I went to,
and found myself at
I must return to you and your mango and coffee gelato
your frog peaks and russian bakery owners,
Alaska.
your donut shops and all day lights
your turn-again arm and bodies of whales

You knew me
before number 5 ate my brains and I had to
refrigerate them in 10 mountains,
bartering for them in Alp huts and chasing them with glacier glue. Before I dreamt about flying a cow copter
How mean! The cow never wished to lactate so high up,
Alaska.

You are in all my music;
strands of music hair never
missed you more

"Have you ever had a constant moment, in your life?"
That struck
northern lightning
I hated
Alaska
flipping 360's. On aluminum foil days and moon moose nights
I loved you at last sight,
Alaska.

and now I'm full of miss.

.:.:.

My horoscope says
"look to the world for what it is, not what it should be"
.:.:.

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:
Lsocc Disease was sending me all sorts of pictures from our past. The pictures were large, and I wondered why my newly cleaned out inbox was full of old stuff that was new.

.:.:.
wow. the actor actually left. Something broke in me when he did that. Maybe it was a back molar. But quickly, on to conversations of moscow theatre, chicago art scene, and Christianity. Painfully, I have learned to love listening. Almost forcefully, I have become fulfilled by using my ears. Men, always have so much to say.
.:.:.

Today was lovely. Yesterday a German speaking friend brought me over to a table of Swiss people and we spoke. I was surprised at how well I can understand the basics of the German language, just not communicate in it at all. Today is the actor's last day, and I sure am sad to see such a beautiful man leave. Beautiful people are like scenery you can take anywhere, because you feel like you're exploring by just looking at their face. Anyways, I attended the second goodbye party of a person who works here. It's righteous, staying. So Veronica cooked us Chicken/Shrimp curry and a Toblerone Mousse! Fantastic, we ate in the "Privat" gazebo and then talked for hours about love, travel, and serendipity. At this point I'm excited that I didn't go to Paris, but am looking at tickets to Scotland/Norway for my last week. It's just like me, to find something that I love-and then always try to find a ticket out. It never means I'm unhappy, just curious. Anyways, then Nicole cut my hair! She has wanted to make it look "more rude" for awhile, and so now it's...quite a bit shorter. To be honest, I don't care how it looks-I just like the fact that I was barbered in front of the Swiss Alps after a fine meal, for free. The Slovokian waitresses have been playing this incessant American music on the radio, and that's been the only unpleasant thing about the day. My goal today is to finish two books, write something fabulous on this wall, and talk to Kathy about doing a hike sometime. She works at Esthers. How could I describe the characters here? The woman who works at the Apocathy, the woman that works at the cheese shop, co-op, souiveneer shop. The old man who takes 2 shots of Yeager every morning and often rolls off hills. I don't think I ever would. Anyways, Veronica said she will climb the Via Ferrata with me and by then I think I'll be booked for the week. That's it! One week! I am going to blindfold myself and push myself on the gondola so that I leave? My reason for leaving: Change: and an ever increasing willpower to go after the entertainment industry. I was invited to come hay today, but hopefully I can do that later.

.:.:.

two many people close to me have left recently. "Thanks for taking care of me" I say. It was true. Taking care with no questions asked. Promises should never be words.

.:.:.

the cutest part about this saying is that the actor, when trying his first shout out...used exactly the same words as me! a son!

The last thing i want is to be back to myself.

2008-07-23T04:00:00.000-07:00

He left at his best, looking and listening
giving me enough fuel and energy to not worry
about where the double u went in orry
and just to focus
fresh. on not me.
and stories. of his.
i could care less if it's gush about
drink party lit lost friends names laugh
in it's untouchable manner. it lets me be
feet away from my claustrophobic soul
and closer to anything else.
how life can be lived that way, focused on one thing or another
how life can be lived that way
fresh
how life can be lived that way
drink
enthralled, laughing, dying slowly.
i will never be slow to love

green hat and metal limb
skin pulled over skin pulled over nerves
extra
a flip of a coin?
i doubt strongly.
and a cry at the mountains while a huge grasshopper hops out of the camera's view finder
and i brush away the red flower on the wood

bye. good.

these mountains. they let me fall. they'll let me recover.

no Paris today
instant tears
piano in the background
it will stay good here
i feel like angels have come to wrap me
.:.:.

Today I almost had a nervous break down because I passed so many people I was certain that I would never see again
.:.:.

I do have many things to do here which would enable, staying
and bugs on mountains are always around the corner. Like, speaking spanish today on the way down from Murren. In Switzerland. Que Bien.
.:.:.

(from before)

There isn't too much fog today, but for some reason I'm having trouble seeing it. In a way its becoming invisible to me, maybe I am looking too hard. I don't know if I hate or am enthralled, so I move
very
slowly.
Today I didn't notice that it had snowed again on the mountain. How could I have?
I often talk about how unhealthy it is to seek comfort, but it is truly what I've found in this place. I've realized that I allow other people to be human, while I don't consider myself to be. Other people are allowed to be unshaven, or angry, or excited about life. But not me. Other people are allowed to be slow, or lazy, or take a day off, but I would never portray myself to be such to the general public. Call it a combination between pride, workahloic, and perfectionism but I have this idea that I need to be as neutral as milk (oh I get it now) to be accepted. This mindset will never get a wafer like me into the theatre industry. It will only cause a deeper and deeper shade of bland. Which clearly I am not. So why do I try so hard to be? It's also the same way with men. They are allowed to be cut, have scars, be grumpy, whatever-and I the perfect polished stone. Princess dilema? Perhaps, but it's rather strangulating.
.:.:.

Today we played giant chess in Murren. I've always wanted to do that. Traveler 87 is like "where are we?! On top of a mountain playing life size chess?" haha. he was exactly correct. The people who work the cable car smile at me now, the swiss are patient with their friends, but once they are made, they are strong. Also, I went to the pool. Apparently God misplaced my g-spot to be on my head, and there was this fountain that poured rushing water down at such an angle and pressure that I could sit underneath the thing and (for those that know me) experience the most erotic sensation of my life. After each bout, I would open my eyes, and see a child trampolining in front of the alps. I don't understand. How the best thing can happen, and then it just keeps getting better. :)

.:.:.

I'm not so bad, me.

.:.:.

I say Sji Thone's name like it's the first one i've ever said
I say Mountain like it's the only one i've ever seen.
.:.:.

Sji Theone: Elias Lighter
Attorney of Not Getting Attached
Numb Emotions Provided
Call for extermination of heart glands
Due to bad burns from past relationships
1st Session Misleading

.::.

whoa. someone's tasting bitter.

taking polls on where I should go.

.:.:.

now that i've found the man I was always looking for
I can actually DO something with my life.

"It's cold up Higher"

2008-07-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

Just to let you all know, I saw a helicopter yesterday, that was transporting a black and white cow. This helicopter was red with a swiss flag on it, carrying the cow to lower pastures for some unknown reason.

There were 3 seconds where I was not quite sure I was not in a cartoon.

Sometimes the scariest thing can be when you realize all the lies you have told yourself.

COOL HIKE TODAY to shiltalp! Crazy steep with cables to hang on to the entire way. At the very end, a box and a cross (thought it was going to be full of ashes) but a NOTEBOOK! of everyone's experience that had finally trekked up there. What a joyous treasure to find, especially after I started to fear the cow bells. The quote is from an older guy who said that to us as we hiked. I thought it was pretty awesome. :) It was so caring of him, even though it was extremely obvious.

What else? Oh I was so proud of myself cuz the walk up to Shilthorn was SO much easier.

Sji Theone reminds me a lot of a combination of Tat First and Lscocc Disease.

The cheese was bland and the wine, bad
but the atmosphere made up for it all
wine cheese and crackers are never bad
with an alpine backdrop
and cow bells in your ears
which was just like the transfer
not the greatest combo. but
everything makes up for itself
with mountains out the window the next morning.

also another cool thing we saw was all this fogged shaped into a giant "L" in front of the rockface. It was like the output and input machine drawn for us in pre-calc class. It gathered the fog from a magic genie and poofed it out the top like tea kettle boiler. IT was so stunning.

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:

Mine and Sji Theone's body were one, body. I had his infinity tattoo of the day his left leg was removed. People would ask about it, and I realized that were were the same person.
Pretty Pretty odd.

Strange by Default

2008-07-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Will post later. Pics from Shilthorn!
All is well I think. Paris maybe soon.

Wanting, to want?

2008-07-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

The closest thing that's f r e e

2008-07-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Boy, did I have me a day today.

Trying to describe the hike went on today would be a tragedy.

But imagine that the brains of the earth went INSANE

and during this insanity, decided to create art out of themselves.

that is what this was.

I got as close as i've EVER gotten to the mountain. I looked it in the EYE. I said "i love you" and then left quickly. It was the clearest day in forever, and you could see around you and around you and around you

and i take it back about the actor

he beats me in acceptance AND kindness

other than that

there is dead spider goo on my computer.

and excuse me, for dropping off the face of the earth.

I MADE A FRIEND
good things keep happening
have talked to several people who have almost died
and have come here
this place is a place of magical miracles
I MADE A REAL FRIEND
it's like a pseudo husband
we clean the kitchen together
raid the free basket together
eat lunch together
hike together
complain about our knees together
laugh at the bar with Petra together
"you are fun" she says and I swell with pride
we laugh loudly together
talk about acting together
attract nothing but goodness together
i bring his bowl. he cooks the pasta
dinner together. I speak in we. in a healthy way.
best part. we are not attracted to each other! he is attractive. I am attractive. but no throughway! PERFECT! It's the ONLY other thing I've ever wanted.
Crazy Part: The day he came to the hostel, we both fell in love, with 2 other people. His girl left today, mine comes back tomorrow. We take care of each other in our day of absence.
The actor is simple. But positive and good.. Finally, a man I can feel comfortable around. We are roommates. Live door next to each other. Maybe one day we'll share the limelight together.
"Does this obligate me to eat with you" I say, after he cooks me pasta (I have already eaten) "I think so".
Man, nothing but good and wonderful runs through my veins. I am not nervous for tomorrow for as he says
"everything, is awesome, now"
have I told you lately how much I love my life?
Things are weird weird weird
ironic ironic ironic.

This friendship is as good as Oly friends. A warm bowl of soup has laid itself in my soul.

Today I walked through a postcard of pink flowers and snowcapped mountains. What did the blue moving sky keep reminding me of? here. here. here.

An ant crawls on some soft flower at the top of the mesa. Swiss mesa. It is so small against the grandeur. Can it see where it is?
In the midst of seeing nothing, where am I? In the circle of so much beauty.

The mountains say you get as much as you give
but that there is so much to get
so much that no one knows about
and ask ask ask the soil

live life with great hope and faith

ps: maybe we are magic, to meet and fall in love with 2 strangers on the same day. We call ourselves the "mountain hostel match makers"

"it's not as fun as a crowd as yesterday"

"nope"

"it's cool though, I like that"

Always tap into the amazing. I thank the teachers God has given me for showing me how to really live.

i've seen a mountain with long hair as fog

sleep

.:.:.
What sticker I put on the door " OLD SWISS SAYING: THE MESSIER THE KITCHEN, THE WORSE THE WEATHER. CLEAN UP PLEASE" I'm hiLARious!

.:.:.
"wow you must have made some impression"
" "
" and the Alps, they might have helped a little with that too"
" "
"a LITTLE"

:) yes, i get it
.:.:.

"how are the mountains and fog.....
spooning?"
!!!!!!!!!
.:.:.

And weird: traveler 307 with a camera comes to return for many weeks. What is all this nonsense! What is one to do?! Smile

.:.:.
"THANK YOU MOUNTAIN HOSTEL" haha. or God, depending.

" I hear there used to be mountains, behind that fog"

2008-07-18T07:42:00.001-07:00

The waterfalls look neon, today.
Glow in the dark paint on the rock's face.

Traveler 190 says today "Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up to this view every morning?"

I can't. Because I live it, every day.

I am even getting
used
to the scenery.

How does someone get used to perfection?

A day is a day is a day is a day is a day

(gone)

.:.:.

I know the kitchen so well, I can tell whether it is really clean, or perfectly clean in 2 seconds
I know the subtleties of this place, and the mountain
which is still not enough
enough is too plenty

.:.:.
3.80 was hot chocolate and a seat with a view and 2 travelers
i can't concentrate to read
i can't concentrate
food
.:.:.

the mountains have their own story
Monch, Eiger, and Jungfrau
the dark monk, the ogre, and the young maiden
the ogre loves the young maiden, but the dark monk looks after her
these are the characters outside my window
the mountain looked somehow vulnerable today
it had just come out to play for the evening, and was shy to show it's blush at the
sunset, kissing it's forehead.
we're just excited to see her, in whatever state she is in.
even if it is for 15 minutes on a clear night.
maybe it is all about the experience
because stir fried radishes and bananas and chives sure do taste good
(am i turning into my mother)
they taste so good I have to turn away from the mountain to enjoy.
The mountain requires full attention when being looked at
it is not something you can do half heartedly.
because EVERY single time I look at the mountain it is different
it is different EVERY single time I look at the mountain
EVERY single time I look the Mountain, it is different
light hits shadows swarm fog teeters
it plays a different role in every scene
here, she blushes pink. Can even she be vulnerable?
.:.:.
Rick Steeves called this place a Time Warp
No, it doesn't remind me of Rocky Horror
but "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof, it sure does.
A game of pool
Walter lets me win
romantic up there under those lights
going always first through the mother
a hand hold
and pint of beer
the deal is set
even though they'd rather have me with the actor
down to earth for being so handsome

blah

Budapest was dirty. Man, have I told you how clean Switzerland is?
Petra always kicks my attitude in the balls.
And sometimes washes my dishes.

.:.:.
I rarely feel like I have enough to offer
.:.:.
If I have the "where are you from" conversation again, I may combust

WHERE I AM FROM
most recently, Washington
most romantically, Alaska
most often, Flagstaff
most pridefully, Switzerland
most bloody, Europe
most originally, Colorado
most truly, from the Organs of the Strangest Mountain.
.:.:.
honest if called honest, V.R. Mooshe
.:.:.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other day I asked God to send the biggest help he could imagine as soon as possible
1. 50 highschool kids to clean the kitchen for three days
2. finally letting go of an abusive relationship
3. an apology i wanted for 2 years from that relationship
4. an invitation i've wanted for 6 months
5. an accepted offer i've wanted forever
6. a dream-catcher (and love-giver)
Hope Faith Love live in the air
.:.:.
WIKI:
Greco-Roman conceptions

Main article: Eros (love)

In the classical world, the phenomenon of "love at first sight" was understood within the context of a more general conception of passionate love, a kind of madness or, as the Greeks put it, theia mania ("madness from the gods").[1] This love passion was described through an elaborate metaphoric and mythological psychological schema involving "love's arrows" or "love darts", the source of which was often given as the mythological Eros or Cupid,[2], sometimes by other mythological deities (such as Rumor[3]). At times, the source of the arrows was said to be the image of the beautiful love object itself. If these arrows were to arrive at the lover's eyes, they would then travel to and 'pierce' and 'wound' his or her heart and overwhelm him/her with desire and longing (love sickness). The image of the "arrow's wound" was sometimes used to create oxymorons and rhetorical antithesis concerning its pleasure and pain.

"Good Morning, Cinderella"

2008-07-17T02:32:00.000-07:00

The Mountain plays a beautiful poker face to moments' inability to form themselves into the perfect love story.
And the cynics mock the hopefuls
While really, it is the cynics who are hopeful, and the hopefuls who are sly
for 12 hours I forgot how to do everything
that I have been doing for 20 years
having to rethink each movement of hand, or step.
my favorite part of the evening
was forgetting how to walk.

There are a few things I thought would always happen, that I have been calculating, preparing, brewing a response to, ever since there was an ever:
1 getting eaten by a bear in the woods
2 getting shot
3 being present for the apocalypse
4 charging someone on a battlefield with a sword
5 being left alone with my father, after my mother never dies
6 terminal illness
7 young death
8 writing a book about how to make it in the acting biz
9 having a pimple that is as large as my entire face
10 having a son
11 stopping the next holocaust by dancing in the middle of the street
12 being a plus size model
13 communicating with people of an ancient civilization
14 love, at first sight

There are a few things I thought would always happen
1 getting eaten by a bear in the woods
2 getting shot
3 being present for the apocalypse
4 charging someone on a battlefield with a sword
5 being left alone with my father, after my mother never dies
6 terminal illness
7 young death
8 writing a book about how to make it in the acting biz
9 having a pimple that is as large as my entire face
10 having a son
11 stopping the next holocaust by dancing in the middle of the street
12 being a plus size model
13 communicating with people of an ancient civilization

Just as I came to realize some of them would never happen, one of them did.

Sji Theone traded me for Budapest
me. Budapest
Budapest. me.

Budapest

I guess the world is bigger than I am
I thought I was the biggest thing out there
(on a good day)

I did the meanest thing. I woke up this morning and hoped it would be cloudy
so Sji Theone would stay. I hoped so hard that it rained, which was his reason for
leaving. (really, his reason was in the clouds). Who else would pick up on the romance of Fog, and Mountain. Who else would have been abandoned by a lover,
stumbling awkwardly out of the fusty closet.
Be as crystal as water,
addiction jealousy
coffee alcohol
to cope with the meanness of life.
While still trying to do something about it.

I would ask the man of my dreams how he coped with being a live and he would say
"I am scared, every moment, I am terrified. I don't deal with it, not at all"
the man of my dreams would be strong enough to be scared.

Sji Theone says "It's all about the experience" and turns the cable cars wheels forward
i hope
that they will actually run
backwards
but i've already hoped for the wrong thing once today. Once again, I hoped for something to be too close, instead of wanting it to see the most beautiful thing in the world

how could i?

I don't know who cleaned the kitchen today, but
she broke every glass
fiercely. Demonstrating
nothing, just Demonstrating

My favorite part of the evening was forgetting how to walk.
I do not think it is all about the experience
I think it's about finding good experiences, and keeping with them.

Maybe I am wrong, wrong, wrong

nothing will ever beat this place, but that is not ever the point.

. . .

and then, of course, I come home to what I thought I always wanted, staring me in the face.

There are some things in life I've thought would always happen.

I had to sleep the feeling off it was so strong. I had to leave it, and let it roll off my feet, onto the mountain. I didn't like
I liked
that feeling.
Hope, the dirty bastard. Fog.

Blood Flow

2008-07-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

;)

The choice to be beautiful.

2008-07-15T02:30:00.000-07:00

Haha. I bet these pictures are really confusing you guys.

To Oberstienburg I go!

...or not
cuz this weird guy groped me in the woods
and I got lost
alot
and never made it there.

Hm.

Not to mention my ex fiance wrote me to tell me he likes another girl and dosen't love me anymore. And sent me a song about her. (which I deleted, refusing to listen to it)

It's been a really fun day. I think I'm a little....what's the word....tired

of being alone. Or as Lessi Giggle says "misses having friends" I think I'm going to make a new rule called "Never Hike Alone"

what do you all think?! Man it is weird when your mind is rushing and outside, paradise swirls in reality.

.:.:.

Rivers of No and Goodbye

I invited the mountain to dinner tonight. We sat facing each other over a plate of fried vegetables and sausage. While eating, I noticed a castle formation of boulders towards the upper left eyebrow of the largest river (which is seen outside my window). I realized that I used to look at the mountain, but I finally have started to see it. We spoke as we always do:

-tastes like real vegetables huh?

-yes

-mighty fine dinner you're having

-yes. thank-you. for. growing it.

-it's rough sometimes, being a mountain'

-I'll bet. It's rough a lot too, being a human.

Silently, we both decided we wouldn't trade. But, the mountain tends to hear everything I say, even silently. I am reminded of the transcendentalists, or my study of Buddhism, or my trip with Craig Childs. I want to want to do nothing, as I chew the tastiest and softest potato.

-wow

-wow

-ow

-ow

-go

-I will

-good job

-thanks

-thank-you.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-give

-

-give

- I know

-give

-K

-give

-How?

- What does 'how' mean?

- Um, oh. I guess 'how' means....what happens just before a waterfall.

-oh. Say 'Hello'

Amazed, I thought of every spider web I'd ever seen. I thought of my niece's eyes.

-Is that what the water says to the rocks, before it finds a place to fall?

-Of course.

Then, the creature of truth told me a story:
Long ago, before stars had stories, and babies were given names, I had to make a choice. The choice looks simple on paper: whether or not to be beautiful. Beauty, isn't always pretty, and paradise doubly so. Beauty isn't easy. I heard this from the ocean, sky, and trees. If I chose beauty, it involved inviting every landscape into my vessels. Not every rock would fall into place in the rock face. In cold winters, parts of my brain would be numbed. When avalanches fell, loved ones would come with it. Still, I made the choice to be beautiful. The only thing that differentiates you from a snail, is your choice not to be a snail. Choices are the only things that glow in the dark. I choose to be beautiful.

There wasn't breath left to be taken away.

-I did this by saying hello to every living thing

It was the best dinner I have ever had. But I couldn't not ask, about the cruelty. About the pieces of trash I pick up, even from Alpine slopes. About sad faces drawn on little children, and the hardest, the people who didn't choose anything at all. I smiled, but had to wonder, in a very American like way, how it could say hello to things that caused harm.

-what abou-

-that's, what the rivers are for.

"Deep inside the canyon I can hide. All I ever wanted was your life."

2008-07-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

A morning of death

Last night some travelers were talking about a man falling off a cliff. I'd been contemplating how weird it is that people who are a live talk about those who are dead. It just all seems very odd to me. (the larger concept of alive souls discussing dead ones). Like a passing down of a tradition, which shouldn't ought to be passed. When I woke up, it had been snowing and raining for three days now. Several times durante the night, the rain awoke me. Non Stop. I figured out why. A man of the village died the other day, was helicoptered out. He was 43 and had three kids. Petra is really shooken up about it. That brings Gimmelwald down to 85. I can't take being in Europe having any more deaths. Right before Petra told me this news, one of the h.s. trip leaders was telling me how her husband had died, and she went to take a river trip on the grand canyon-and looked up at the moon from slot canyons, and how it gave her inner peace. Right as she was saying this, the lyrics from the title of the post came on the stereo. The last woman who told me about riding on the canyon last week, told me about two newlyweds who had taken a honeymoon trip and had drowned in the Colorado River. And this woman said that the fact that I saw an eagle right before I got to Shilthorn was bad luck. No, I don't believe bad things are lucky.

Hello to everyone I know that is still alive: Hello alive people! Let's experience each other! There is never enough time!

.:.:.

The baby the mountains and fog made is named Snow. She's beautiful, and coats the entire half of all the creature of truth. You know you're cold when you are using the mac laptop for warmth.

.:.:.

After heaving about 30 bags of trash up to the trash man on his big truck, he says
"bye bye trash lady"
hilarious
.:.:.
snow

SSSSSSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! SNOW!

snow

SNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (For those of you that know me, you'll understand that my life started today).

.:.:.

Wow. Being in the snow starts to bring back all sorts of other Swiss memories from before. Every DETAIL in the mountain is highlighted. Man, just when I thought the mountain couldn't get any more beautiful.

it did.

It is like winter, in July. Why do I get everything?!

.:.:.

I'm getting so used to cable cars in the alps as a means of transportation. It's becoming second nature. When we ride from city to city, we act like we can take it all in
we pretend we can handle it
with wows
and picture snaps
and go on with our lives
it's all pride
that keeps us from doing anything but falling on our
knees
saying
I can't go on
unless I become that mountain.
And then we want to do the meanest thing
we want to take part of it with us
the least loving wish.
I've been thinking of tatooing it on my body.
As if the mountain would ever want to go anywhere else. Maybe.
Maybe it would like to move and turn it's neck. But no, it is too wise to want.
.:.:.
In the pool room
there is a blue guitar and
a red one
the blue guitar is missing
the only one
the red one
has.
Part of this is fiction
can you figure out which part?
.:.:.
and he said
that a soul could enter a body at any time
but I don't believe that
why would a soul ever sleep?
and why didn't his ever enter?
but all of a sudden i felt very, very, present.
like cedar and 17.
.:.:.
Things we humans ponder.
*If anyone can see our bubble
*If our bubble can see anything
*the things we are not
*when to let go
*how to deal with who you are, is hated.
*how we are better off alive when we have made really big mistakes.
.:.:.
This trip has been so dual sided. I'll be walking through the meadow, swiss cow bells on one side and musical theatre blaring out of my left ear in the other. With staring at the mountain with the front of my brain, and hearing the jazz piano with the back. I am in Switzerland and America and I wonder what theatre will be like when I can finally give it the same concentration I am giving the rock face in the bernese oberland.
.:.:.
never take your safety for granted
.:.:.
the saddest thing was when my grandma wrote
enjoy your month
...
...
month!?
(gulp)
.:.:.
I saw a choir of trees next to a waterfall. You could see that the conductor waterfall was compelling, always moving around the stage and the tree singers had to stand still. There was one tree, that quite obviously had fallen in love with the waterfall. As time went on, it would bend, further and further in its direction. It would peer into it's magnificence and catch glimpses of it until one day, it fell over, and became part of the waterfall. At the time, this was love. So they are: fell skinny tree and waterfall. I asked the tree what it thought of it's new placement:
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
.:.:.
I am reading four books at one time. It is a little confusing.

Today we all gathered in front of the mountain. There was something going on. The tops of the snowcapped peaks were lit up in a white blaze, and the shy pink sunset line was below them. Below that was the tropics, which are also located on the peaks, with dozens of thoughtful waterfalls (some which are lovers and rush into one stream) and green trimmings. But what was really spectacular was the fog, and once again how it interacted with the mountain. It was swamping, in the middle of the valley pouch of the mountain, and it seemed to be gathering from west (Lauterbrunnen), into a vast fog puddle right in the center. Everyone was out watching it, as if it were the apocalypse. I studied this fog, and tried to compare it to one thing, too soft to be even the slightest kiss, the only thing I could link it to was a blessing. When Jewish holy men wave their hands over the wall in succession, or the Shabat dinner, this is the same motion of the ever moving, fog. I looked deep into the fog, and it was clear that there were beings within it. There were moving angels. I have never seen anything look so much like dancing bodies, even dancing bodies. Spectacular. I sat on the edge of a railing, on the side of a cliff, and watched everything...move. Possibly even more touching was the 60 year old woman that decided to climb up and sit by my side. She's the one that had lost her husband. She stared at that mountain for as long as I have. I don't know her name, but I know that we both shared that. I should have given her a hug, or patted her on the back, but I didn't. I just well, enjoyed her sadness to be frank. I think I finally gathered that mountain and put it in my soul today. It was so cute/sad, to see this little woman, feet dangling, head shaking "no" at how beautiful it all was. The reason it is "no" is because you realize you have spent your entire life not having faith in anything, and then come here, and realize you were all wrong, and there is nothing but faith. She tells me that the problem is that her new husband is too something. I Say that's not the problem, the problem is that you have a problem with something that makes him happy.

I ask Petra why she has such a successful marriage and she says "we don't all the time". She says running away is always the wrong option. I loved her answer. I think it's the best one I've ever heard.

Walter is funny, he puts on my glasses today and offers me wine. Asks me how long I'm staying
Forever
Know Swiss German?
Not much
Want a Swiss boy?
Yes
Farmer or Hay-er?
Farmer
Learn Swiss German, we will get you a boy.

They have become the match makers. and I , the girl, waiting so passionately to be matched.

.:.:.

I made the best decision today. I blame it on the fact that the mountain came back.

Food for the plebians, please

2008-07-13T02:49:00.000-07:00

This morning I awoke to a duct tape sticker on a plate of breakfast saved just for me by Amanda! Sometimes I have a lot of hope for the people in the world. Last night was wonderful, it seemed to cleanse me. It's another fog day, but I can still see little whiskers of the mountain at points. I must hike today, or I will turn into a stir crazy stir fry.
Yesterday I shared my tea 3x and it paid off 10 fold.

I slept with my head towards the mountain. Woke up half way through a nightmare
and turned around
to a good dream.

seriously this is getting a little weird.

.:.:.
When I got back from my hike today, I had no idea what I had just done. Not because I was confused or absent minded, but because of the fog. It never cleared. I hear there used to be mountains behind that fog. The mountains and the fog must be making some baby! I'm excited to see it when it comes out. So, I practiced being in Tucson, I practiced being in New York, and looking through the fog, and imagining what the mountains would look like. Except, it would be buildings and desert I was looking through, but same thing.
"No one needs fog. Fog is useless." -Traveler 392
I disagree. Fog is enchanting and ethereal. But literally, I am living in a cloud. When I saw a herd of cows in the fog, the swiss bells even became a little eerie. But I did see cows WRESTLE! That was crazy.
I did regret going to Gusthalp today, because last time I went I thought quietly "there is nothing here" but this time there really WAS nothing there, and I felt bad for not realizing what there was
while there was (before.)
Also, why does every hike take me twice as long as the sign says? I didn't even take any pictures this time! Either way, it was good to get out. My goal today was to get dirty enough to take a shower and I was completely soaked, hands numb for 30 minutes.
When I arrived back to the Homstel (like that?), I was face to face with 50 high school kids from Washington.
Again as always, my territory felt threatened, and I hated them.
Then Petra told me I don't have to clean the kitchen for 3 days because they do it!
I LOVE THEM! Wow!! I walk around with a smile on my face, and greet them all with a BIG how-to-do! Maybe I'll go on a trip somewhere, West Side Story is playing in Thun.
Oh and the best part? I get to eat all the rest of their food when they leave! Man, they are all wonderful, gorgeous people! :)
I am their big sister and they are all going to love me. We'll make pies of silence together and I will teach them about life.

.:.:.
Lesson learned today:
you are never too cool to go hiking in the alps without a water bottle

never
unless you are a camel
I am not a camel
.:.:.

Brushing my mountain, I mean my teeth.

2008-07-12T02:10:00.000-07:00

These pictures are not from Switzerland. But again I am waiting for the card reader.

I had a dream about people laughing in a car. That's all I can remember!! Sleeping the other way does work! :)

Swiss German sounds like rolling
Tumble
rolling
Tumble
rolling.

.:.:.
"He looked at me squarely, forcing me to face my fears. Now, My, if you're happy being miserable, enjoy it, but don't ask me to feel sorry for you. Just get all down i it and wallow around. Take your time to savor all its subtleties, but don't come to me expecting sympathy."
He knew me too well. It was true. I was loving the role of jilted lover. Deserted, yet carrying on. I saw myself as the heroine, solitary, standing under a streetlight's soft yellow glow. Waiting. Waiting. As the fog comes in, a gentle rain falls but doesn't drench her. It is just enough to make her shiver in her white raincoat (collar turned up) Oh, he knew me too well" (Maya Angelou)

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
pain attack. hot steaming.

Boredom is the cause of all evils
I made the worst decision today
and I blame it on the fact that
the clouds patched up the mountain
and I couldn't see it all day.
Doesn't the fog understand
that the mountain is my air
for my mind?
.:.:.
It's been raining all day. For the first time I see the mountain at 8:36PM, and there are so many MORE waterfalls than usual up at the top. Completely new! It has been raining for a straight 24 hours! I spent two of the last 24 hours talking to people! I spent another 3 reading Maya Angelou's auto biography, which is wonderful. I've become all literate and everything, doing things like reading and writing (the prior I would never normally take part in), but it's amazing what you'll get accomplished, and how insane you may become, with a lot of time on your hands. To those of you who know me, I am also becoming quite clean! I do laundry, clean the kitchen, take out the trash, like a pro!

Let me tell you a little about the culture here, there are 86 inhabitants of this small mountain town. In fact, when the hostel is full, it makes up more than half of the population of the entire town! Most people are farmers, and most people are over the age of 50. When I ask Petra why there is an age gap, and there aren't more than 3 babies in the area, she says "what do you want me to do? Ask the swiss festival?-Why are you not having babies?" She likes to give me a hard time. Her and Nicole have dark hair and olive skin, this is due to their greek heritage. Petra says that they are waiting for all the old people to die, so that more people can move in the town. Of the locals here i know there is the cable operator, Esther (who sells yoghurt), the man who walks around with a walking stick all day (but has a blearing cell phone), the Brunners, Petra's friend Ruth, and Veronica-the girl who helps out at the hostel and also runs the bar. Veronica has a very typical German face (very pretty) wears a lot of blue eye shadow and pig tails, and really is the social butterfly that some times I try to be. While hiking, it's easy to pick out the locals, because they walk faster-and always use hiking sticks. It's not "hallo" that you say but "grootsi" that is the phonetical spelling of it. The swiss men are, attractive-which is odd for me to say since I have never before been attracted to men outside of a different culture from my own. Hard work and knowing how to do things well is at high importance for the people of Gimmelwald. I think many of them are fascinated by the city, and don't mind loud voices at times because the mountain itself I think can get too quiet. Not having flat land doesn't phase them at all. Their houses, farms, cradles, whatever are all perched on almost vertical planes throughout the community. Like people, they give back what you give. They enjoy bread wine and cheese like most Europeans and every single one speaks some english. There is one school of seven children, but many of the kids (like nicole) go to school down in the valley, where there are bigger towns. Nicole is 17 and has been living on her own for a year now. They seem to have pride in exclusive relationships, and everything is run on a person who knows someone else person. To be expected of a small town. Their bodies are great, you can see the sun on their face as well as their heart on their face, and all though they are stocky, they seem to be very strong. The rest of the culture I know is in the hostel. Many newlyweds, or people taking the "European tour" for the first time. They all sleep in bunks, and I am the only one with my own room so that adds to a lot of the isolation. The party-ers play in the hot tub at night with their drinks, the younger kids play in the pool room, and every one else eats together in the room with wooden tables that I clean in the morning. I seem to gravitate towards people in their early 30's or above, and less of the party crowd. I really wonder what people think of me here sometimes, and why a lot of people don't start off conversations. Sometimes I get bored of the "where are you going" and "how hard is Shilthorn" conversations, but every once in awhile you hear about being on Wheel of Fortune, or maybe a son is traveling with his father who is an engineer. But mostly, it's a little lonely.

One more hour with everyone! Rosti and Pasti! A Swiss German Dish and a French Liquor! Another traveler from Woof has me stared on the idea of communal meal posters!

Speaking of ideas, I want to create a pee recording which you can bring into the bathroom with you that makes things less awkard between oyu, and your neighbor peer. ;)
.:.:.
Funny Quote of the day

Amanda "You are good at cleaning" !

Refusing to Break Glass

2008-07-11T02:33:00.000-07:00

I think we discover most about what we want
when what we have is waving in the next seat over
at what we could have, who is absent and has left an empty chair.

.:.:.
Nightmares of V.R. Mooshe

I murdered three women by smashing their heads into buckets. It was very horrifying and outrageously scary. I was in a house. Then, my sister and mother had a child at the same time. My mom's came first, he was either Chinese or had down syndrome. He spoke right out of the womb, in English. I was the only one who could understand him. He said "you are pretty good at that" to my mom. His rib cage was totally open, like a bird's skeleton, but the doctors didn't seem to care. He was very, very small.

.:.:.
I talked to Nicole, who had a tea party up in my room yesterday (!!!), about
1. how she likes the city
2. what to wear to the play tomorrow
3. that I should never sleep with my head at the mountain. I should sleep with it "down the mountain", because that is what "they say". To sleep where the weather comes from. This I will try.

.:.:.
life is SO 3D!
glasses clinking
fly buzzing
birds chirping
cow swaying
its bell
german language
mountain default
reset
dog eating
pizza
and talk of eggplant
green vest and wal mart skirt
mountain. default
reset
the world is so 3D.
woman from the cable car
wine. talk of strawberries and gingerale
crow. squeaky door. person passing wall.
foot shuffle pavement little rocks. breathy laughter
boy. blonde. 7. Family. memory of my siblings.
Mountain. Default. Reset
Valley. Every landscape. The girl has found a bottlecap. Sneeeeeeeeeeze
The world is so 3D
.:.:.

Living the life of old men

i've been sad, i've done that
i've walked past choirs of empty benches
to discover my favorite chair is breaking
but sad is just a part of everything

i've had no faith in heaven
and have waited before talking to the dead
to realize that they had so forgotten me
but sad is just a part of everything

I've trusted sad for its comfy sheets and
round pillow but it wasn't big enough
at all.
Sad
is
just
apart of everything
the sad says
'notice me'
and I have so much faith in heaven

.:.:.

Once I was seeing gremlins in mail boxes on my way home. I always see the same white ghost woman waving on the side of the road from 20 minutes that my parents used to watch as a kid. They wouldn't let me watch Carebears due to its 'satanic' nature, but 20 minutes was ok. So, 18 years later I was asking Bardorff Founder what I should do about seeing faces in the mail.
I expected him to say something simple and wonderful. To say "they are not there sweetheart" and send me a hug from Spain. But no. He said that they do, in fact, very much exist-and they needed to be noticed just like everyone else. To say "hi".
This was better than any simple answer.

.:.:.

The Sistene Chapel
looks so unreal
i stare and stare and still do not believe
that they are not 3D images
the creature of truth
this mountain
i stare and stare and still do not believe
that it isn't a pop out card from God

I guess that's exactly what it is.
Inside it is written

"Welcome to where everything exists. You are living here. This is a window to the good stuff, where I live. Hello"
.:.:.

Serenitiy:
waking up, lying on that bench. seeing the pull out cards of the mountain, like pop up cards
like pop rocks
like the sisteenth chapel
unbelieveable.

i feel not apart of everything
very singular

but the best moments of my life were lying on the bench
I was living.

I lived.

The last words I whispered in my grandma's ear was "you're not dying. You've lived. Living is for those who haven't lived yet." I love her so much.

At this point, I have everything. So much of everyone is alive.

And the wind picks up, and there are dozens of crows, even the crows are made beautiful here. They have crumbs in their mouth and buy a ticket to the wave of air and hover maybe 3 feet above me.

Sleeping. Waking up

BOOM WHAT A MOUNTAIN
crows

sleeping. napping. lying down. pop up cards. Eliah.
lets it go. lets it goooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Love is all the space in the sky. Even when the sky is getting thin.

Sleep.

.:.:.

At a stream on the way to Stechleburg, I sat real close to the stream to
enjoy.
I left my stuff on a bench up the way a little bit, probably only 30 seconds from where I was sitting.
After a long while, a British woman came and told me that I should most definitely move my things, because the sound of the waterfall was so strong, it may disguise a robber taking all of my things.
Now, everything I owned was in that backpack, and maybe a small part of me appreciated the advice, but I still think that woman is confused.
Maybe because the stream was so fast, she confused it for new york,
the metro,
the go go going of the city.
You see,
the river always has somewhere to go.
But it's the swiss alps, and I really think that
it's all safe here for now
It's amazing what will happen when you trust people.
.:.:.

WIKIPEDIA:
Naturalisation

Citizenship in Switzerland can be obtained by a permanent resident who has lived uninterruptedly in Switzerland for at least twelve years (any years spent in Switzerland between the 10th and the 20th years of age count double), and has lived in the country for the last three out of five years before applying for citizenship. One should be able to speak fluently in either German (preferably Swiss German), French, Italian or Romansch (depending on the community) and show:

* integration into the Swiss way of life;
* familiarity with Swiss habits, customs and traditions;
* compliance with the Swiss rule of law;
* no danger to Switzerland's internal or external security.

Cantons and communities impose their own residence and other requirements, which may be additional to those imposed by the Confederation.

.:.:.

Today I almost hiked to Obersteinburg, but I wasn't feeling quite right and it was dire hot. So, I turned back early in my jeans. To buy shorts in Murren. 129 was the cheapest pair. Or not. Talked about river trips to a woman in her 30's. Did the hostel's laundry. Rest is above.

.:.:.

123
i'm insane
123
lets get real
1. i live in a hostel
2. i talk to no one
2.5 i eat dinner a lone
3. i'm the prettiest thing i've ever seen.
why don't people want to play with me
123
1. I speak in a false accent
2. I take my book to dinner
3.I wait. Thinking one night is not enough to make a good connection. When every good thing has happened in a small room. in a town that starts with a g.
Girdwood.
A russian Bakery.
Green Room
An English Rehearsal space
Gimmelwald
The pocket of the alps.

I should get out there. I should say hello. To the people. People are plants to. I'm going to crack this one:
I'd like someone else here
too.
.:.:.

The Best From My Ceiling:

EVERYONE: JIM DID STRIP HERE

LIFE IS GRAND! AND I SAY THIS IN RISK OF FALLING FROM FAVOR FROM ALL THOSE WHO EXPECTED DARKER

IF YOUR'RE NOT A NURSE IN WISCONSIN, YOU'RE NOBODY

THE PEOPLE HERE BORE ME

AND YOU SAY THERE'S NO GOD

ANYTHINGS GOT TO BE POSSIBLE, OTHERWISE LIFE WOULD SUCK

(on the ceiling:)
CAREFULL: SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING UP YOUR NOSE

I WOKE UP HERE ONCE WITH A RAT ON MY FACE. SWEET DREAMS

NOTHING CAN DEFEAT YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT

THIS PLACE IS A LIVING HELL

one crazy math equation

and the rest are cliches and boring.

.:.:.

I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this
I refuse to leave
I refuse to
I refuse
I
I refuse
I refuse to
I refuse to leave
I refuse to leave this
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
alone

.:.:.
Living the life of old men

Sometimes I think I am living the life of an old man.
-what did you do today
-you know, hiked around a bit.
-oh yeah?
-yeah
-nice day
-mm hmm
-what will you do tomorrow?
-you know, probably hike
.:.:.
Lesson Learned Today: Tight, Long jeans are NOT the pants to wear hiking in July, even if it is the Alps ;)

.:.:.

Funny things Travelers say:

"The problem with this sausage is that it's not Nutella"

Swissy: the cute/nice girl who cleans the kitchen who maybe is not so cute/nice when you don't clean your dishes!

2008-07-10T03:09:00.000-07:00

The second picture I didn't take: but is the reason why it was harder than usual to water the flowers today. (hike to Shilthorn). Sorry bout the picture repeats, but I am waiting until my card reader gets here.

The title is the new sticker I put on my food basket today. Before I started cleaning the kitchen, I found a flower someone had left me in a cup by the sink, and also tomatoes in my basket!! People are so nice. Last night I was like "looks like a lot of good vegetables you've got there, I'm just going on rice and pasta". I didn't even know I was asking for anything. :)

So. Plan for the day: Tan in the swiss sun. Wake up. Look at the mountain. Repeat.

And I'll have some writings for you all (if I'm correct I have about 4 whole readers!) before the day is through.

.:.:.
My legs don't even look like legs. They look like swiss logs. Maybe that's how the swiss are so hearty. Before I left on this trip, my friend Lquit Builder said "I hope it's everything you need". I laughed and said a humble comment like "well, it won't be everything, but it will be some things." I was wrong. Everything that needed to happen happened on this hike. It was beautiful, scary, and hard enough to make tears. Therefore, today is a relaxing day. I even had time to straighten my hair!
Account of Shilthorn:
I started out by showing another Aussie couple how to get to Sprutz. On perhaps my favorite part of any hike here, my fallopian tubes decided to throw a riot. I policed them with four Alive, but it was horrible. The worst. After I split from them, I made a pact to myself that whether or not I got to my destination, that I would enjoy myself a long the way. (A little backround: Shilthorn is one of the 'big hikes' that everyone here talks about, and goes to the top of the alps as seen in the picture. It only takes 5 hours both ways, but I left late cuz of work and did not want to return too far in the dar). I sort of stayed true to this pact. After a forest it is straight for a long ways, but I got lost (no surprise there) and almost walked off a cliff that was some farmer's field. After this adventure, I got two killer spider bites that had me immobilized for 10 minutes. I used the teardrops of my waterbottle to rinse it, always trusting that there are fresh streams to fill up on a long the way. At this point it was dire hot, and I had my shirt tied into itself like they did in the 80's, the decade I was born in. Then it was flat for a very long way, which I was grateful for. Even more grateful when I realized that it was uphill for the next 3 hours. There is nothing interesting to say about this part. Except that I stopped every five steps, and had started to get a type of swiss calenture, when the mossy shark's fin started to look like a bed. (Excuse me, a fly just drowned in my rhubarb yogurt). And, I saw cows running down the hillside which I will try to uploud for you, and I stopped frequently to gnash my teeth into a loaf of bread (no surprise there again I know). At the end of this part, two moments paid off the work. When I arrived at ice lake, and looked behind me. I caught a prayer I threw on the top of a mesa on the San Juan and let it go, and dissipate. Few things feel better than forgiveness. Turning upwards, Neutral Milk Hotel was playing around the corner. Maybe it was the absinthe, or the ipod, but there was a party going on in my soul. There is a type of high you get from such physical exertion (I was supposed to work my way on up in the guide book from easy to strenuous but I took a little bit of a leap, just was feeling great that morning). After this was neon neon neon, you need arrows every 10 seconds so you don't get lost. At the top, I was enveloped in nothing but fog, and what stood out were these bright blue flowers. Every time I have been to the top of a mountain, I am impressed by the little crazies that are all the way up there, like caterpillars, or bright flowers. Also at the top was this little trophy garden of rock towers. You know, stacking rocks on top of each other as a trail marker. But this was a Bravo trophy. It looked like some sort of cemetery for bugs or something. At the top was a ledge about 3 feet wide that you (can) grab on to a cable to pass, or just do it. The slope that they were trying to prevent you from, I saw three french kids just totally slide down (for fun!). At the top of the Alps, the mountains did the weirdest things for me. They took of their clothes. Each layer of fog delicately fell until an entire panoramic view of the bernese oberland was exposed. I was higher than every paraglider. And what greeted me 2 minutes to the top? An eagle! And at the very top, a filming for Baliwood! They asked me to be apart. But, it was already 6PM, and I had to be home before dark. I had to stop for nothing. I took a bad bath through falling rocks, and got lost in meadows. While Tif is in Peru getting rioted by farmers, I'd give to see just one. At this point, I'm thinking these Sheep are the hyenas from Lion King and need to get home. I look at the mountain, and find the very valley that stands outside me window. I follow it follow it home. Murren puts on its make up at night. I stumble in the hostel, quite proud of myself, actually. :) More words l8ter.

.:.:.
Maybe i love the landscape because the mountain is as fickle as me
.:.:.
So I feel like an immortal here. An immortal kitchen cleaner. Everyone is always staying for shorter than me and I'm still here (for not long enough!)
.:.:.
I realized that the reason we can't be together is because at the bottom of my soul is a party, and at the bottom of his is a dungeon.
I would have gone
but its invitations were tightly sealed. Only open on fifth tuesdays between 12:01 and 12:02.
The reason it never worked, is because there is a party at the bottom of my soul. That is always open. And nothing can ever change that.
I would have traded my party for a dungeon.
And also, the only thing bigger than the sky, is forgiveness. And forgiveness wasn't at my party, back in 89.
Thinking about how I was supposed to be married next month is like when the waiter comes by and says "did you order..." but they are a new waitress, and you didn't order that at all.
Natalie says "you're too cool to be married now"
I know. It took me a long time to figure that out.
.:.:.
Receipes of V.R. Mooshe
Tomatoes. Sugar. Spices. Rice. Pan. Cook the rice and tomatoes separately. add milk to tomatoes. YUMMY dish!
.:.:.
Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:
Uh, I wrote Hro Round-a-bout it. Way too weird.

.:.:.
I have been here 10 days in the most beautiful place in the world.
of course I can't believe it
of course it will hit me when i leave
i only need one good reason to leave
haven't found it yet.

Zombie

2008-07-08T15:20:00.000-07:00

Title Exlpa: Listened to the cranberries yesterday morning while cleaning. They seem to have only older American stuff...
"We like corny romance"-Veronica.

Today I will try to tackle Shilthorn.
(I've been saying that for 8 days, I can't believe it is my second week here, I just fall deeper in love with the mountain)
.:.:.

If it is possible that Sahara sand sleeps on the tops of the alps, and there are glaciers in Argentina...

then maybe the lion has lay down with the lamb

and no one noticed.

the whole world. every shape and soul

longs to be noticed

.:.:.

It is quiet and 'not the same' without the Aussies. Work isn't that bad though. I wonder if they miss having such "big personalities' around and wonder if I should adopt one. I will see if any are for sale in Murren.

.:.:.

Shilthorn: I DID IT!!!!!!! 9 Hours of straight, strenuous hiking to the TOP of the alps (where there is no more higher up, just further). Magnifico. (Plops to the ground)

Lessons learned:
1 Don't stray away from the guide book just for 'fun' because 'fun' turns out to be 'fear'
2. Hiking alone in the alps after 8PM is never really a good idea

i'll give you the whole run down when I can move again.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dreams of V.R.

Njeddy Teddy took me to see a production which was really sort of circus like and not very funny. He kept seeing all the women travelers and saying that the classier stuff was in Seattle. I told him the truth about the play and that there was some actual good stuff in it. I've been having trouble remembering them fully. The mountain just sort of blasts them all out of my sight

Can you tell me, where do the clouds stop and fog start?

2008-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

(I told you the fog and the mountain were lovers)

Need Milk. Go to Murren. Murren Co-op is closed. Buy backpack. Make content, high-pitched "humph!" sounds for 30 minutes cuz now I am a real swiss hiker. Hike to Gleshalp. Get mocha yogurt and cheese. Get to Gleshalp. Not enough hiking. Hike into Lauterbrunnen valley. Take 1 million pictures. Get hazlenut danish. Make up a song along the way. Walk to Stecelburg. Think about how I love the name Stechleburg. Cable Car to Gimmewald. Get Milk in Gimmelwald. Walter offers me fried salmon dinner.

Why would I ever, EVER leave this place?

.:.:.

Traveler 33 joins m brushing my teeth in front of the mountain today. We spoke in "hmms" amd "mms!" but we both knew we were saying how beautiful it all was.

.:.:.

Petra "Are you hap
Me " Yes!"
Petra "py?"
.:.:.

Rainbow Alert!

2008-07-06T14:53:00.001-07:00

Title Expla:

When I am alone in my palace, I run out for one of two reasons. 1. I forgot to take out the garbage. 2. Someone said "look there's a rainbow!" They are fast and fleeting.

.:.:.
If all goes well I will tackle Shilthorn or at least Klichbahm, and won't have time to blog till tomorrow. But, there are many life winds and who knows where I'll find myself.

... or not. It is freezing and rainy today and Natalie is cooking a birthday cake in a cast iron pan, and there was free Nutella! :)

Or, so! I went with a group of six to Klichbahm, which sounds a lot like Clit Balm, so I just pretend I don't know how to say it. Anyways, I touched the snow on top of the alps in a winter wonderland!

.:.:.
Tonight I stood in the denture between paradise and doom.
Doom was H.R. Geiger in real life
just like when my niece was born
when art looks just like real
My shoes sank into ise
and turned me, lazy susan style
and turned my tibialis anterior
like two calculating goat's eyes
or legolas
towards
fog rock snow
gloom
and whatever it was hiding
doom
i wanted to touch it so bad.
crystal rock ice cold hard new
and
Paradise
The rockabye of her wrapping the swiss figurines.
that paper must feel like braided hair

a past before a past.
the stones that pointillism got it's clay from

and refrigerated death

I can't seem to get the worst idea out of my head.

What does one do when they are finally happy?

.:.:.

DREAMS OF VR.

The only thing I remember is teaching someone how to use a listerine freshen strip. They needed one. A beautiful girl I once knew named Lila (who is really beautiful!), told me that I was beautiful, but my upper lip needed fixing.

I keep dreaming about them whom i'd rather not be dreaming about.

Just tell me!

2008-07-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

Lesson learned today: Check all stoves before grabbing on to them.

:( Ow.

(It's a little hard to type, not to mention finish the kitchen). I guess lessons can be taught by cruelty, I already knew that...but that doesn't make it moral.
It's a rainy sunday. I guess most of the Gimmelwalders are Protestant. Awesome. I would be very surprised if they didn't believe in God. here.
Two travelers i have talked to lately referred to taking pictures as "documenting"..weird. I call it. Making art. Anyways. Last night some beautiful soul left 'free pasta' (cooked!) for hungry people to eat. So I ate it and the next morning I learned that Andrew had written "clean up after yourself you lazy shit" and subsequently started an entire method of conversation with this person. Not conversation. Argument. Dollies, I was just glad to have free food. It's a rainy Sunday and next week I will ask Petra if I can have some time off to go to church. There is a girl here who has lost all her money, and she tells everybody that. In fact, she tells everyone here everything. In a way, because I am complaining-I am jealous of the fact that she is such a talker. Because I am being appreciative, it bothers me for some reason. I think she reminds me of what I was like when I was fourteen. On 12 seconds past 2 o 'clock every day, I wonder what it would have been like if i had experienced this place....when I was in the same state that I was as 14. A tinge more pure. A hundred forks less wise. I wonder if a cup of wiseness has anything to do with an ounce of sheer joy. I've had nightmares the last three nights I've been here. Today the fog visits the mountain. When the mountain is covered in fog. I love it. I think it's something the creature of truth and I both enjoy.

.:.:.

I name this post this because that's what Walter said when he asked me what I wanted to drink. I kept going through the options and he was like "just tell me!". I guess it doesn't get it across without the accent.

.:.:.

V.R. Mooshe Poor Swiss Recipies;

Carrot Roll: Wrap a carrot in Salami. Yummy and perfect for hikes.

Chocolate Oatmeal: Chocolate cookie at the bottom of your oatmeal, oatmeal, add hot water. And sugar. and butter. eat (as we did in London)

I could describe to you the walk I went on today: but it was only millions and millions of waterfalls of all different types. I'm not even sure how waterfalls work yet, and I don't know who i'd be not embaressed to ask. My dad I guess. He is an engineer.

Dear Papa-
How do waterfalls work?

.:.:.

I had to prove myself as a man yesterday. Andrew yelled "10 minutes till lockout" but Petra wanted to hear me do it. I shook. Then five minutes before I didn't even hear what I said, just reverberated the walls. "So, you can yell" Petra said. I puffed out my penguin chest. Apparently I said please "You must come from a good family" she said.

.:.:.

Yesterday I tried to sabotage my own brain. Who knows why. But the nicest thing was that the mountain wouldn't really let me. I'm getting OCD about hiking. Greedy and Confused, I want all the trails and then get lost and have no idea what I want. sound familiar?
.:.:.

Today I went to a swiss festival! It was for Gimmewald (now population 86!!!) and their skiing awards from last winter. Petra and her daughter Michele both got one. :) Michele and her dad look very similar. Like two cute moles. There were two accordions and one woman bassist who looked like Napoleon Dynamite. I enjoyed their performance so much that one of the accordionists winked at me! Petra kept buying me food and drinks, and as soon as we walked into the tent, they gave me a big welcome and invited me over. It was lovely! When Petra asked me if I wanted another and I said "no" she said "you don't have a choice". :) I guess socializing is very important to the swiss, no matter how, forced it may be. Can't wait to see what's going on there tonight. But man. Fog. Mountain Top. Festival. Bliss?
.:.:.

dipped baskets

I dropped another love baby before I left.

I'm starting a collection of children, with bruises on their heads.
None of them are with me, so they must have left the house
but I never really made one in the first place.

I didn't mean to drop them, well maybe one or two
but they dropped with magnetism so they... fell.

and I never knew the bruises would look so much like roses,
in the sense of that they bloom and then they go.

so I took their wilted eyebrows, and dipped them deep in jelly,
and old Swiss cure to make depression last.

All my girls stayed with me, but the boys forgot their names
so I retell their stories, so I'll have something not to do:

1 is a well known legend
2 I don't remember, but 365 days of tears grows his grave
3 was born five days the same as me, and we grew up that way
4. spun in my veins, and taught me about beetles, but his umbilical cord grew too long so we had to throw him out at 22.
5 the only formed one, came when i was younger-and I couldn't really feed him well because he kept switching boobs, till I had none.
6 we named true
7 came out transparent
8 was made in fire, while his dad was still on drugs, and in fact is still now
breathing
birthing
breathe!

you'll have to ask the doctor why they fall.

.:.:.

(sorry bout the picture repeats but my princess of a cat ate my cord so I can't transfer any pictures. 200 bucks to whoever can send me one!)

.:.:.

The man that winked on me that played these wonderful swiss, wooden and decorated accordians with red flowers like the ones that hang outside of the windows here; that the clouds sometimes water and then the sun burns the leaves. seems like it would be counter productive, right? Anyways, the man that winked at me danced with his face, and slid every neighbor player into the next riff. Mother bass player stood watching it all, and she loved being a part. you could tell. I would too. I did. The first band I will make will include a native american flute for flagstaff, an xylophone for olympia, and an accordian for switzerland. He played as if the accordian was all of his goodness,spilling out as if it was his guts. Boy did I love that, and I fell in love with the player to his right. Apparently they don't mind eye contact in switzerland. I guess in the mountains there isn't much other choice :) I loved that I finally went there. In Switzerland they say something when they clink classes I forget what it is, but if you don' t look that person in the eye...then you have bad sex for seven years! Killer. No peinso tuve una de eso malo Anyways.

Swiss is too swiss
and costa rica is too costa rica
and london is too london

like, I miss the dance of costa rica
but I will always miss the beauty of switzerland
and london we don't miss at all
except that maybe we did it.
I miss the food of costa rica
but I will always miss the fulfillment of switzerland
and arizona has its starry nights and pink skies and bleeding sunsets. how does one think of this?

And I think, maybe I've been trying to recapture some of those first moments

the first time I saw gimmelwald, on the way to Walters. I was 14 and it took my breath away

mine and papa's hike to the waterfall

when we watched Gimmelwald at night from the porch

The first foggy hike to Murren.

I love LOVE that nothing can take this away from me

except Alzeimers. But... it's still was mine.

funny that we always want soemthing of our very own.

:)

I WENT TO GET THE BRATWURST :) :) :)

if something that was not a human
were to look out this window
it would see chinese lanters
on the swiss alps
with sahara desert sand
and be rather confused
"is that, just the whole WORLD out there?"
they would say.

yes,
oh
yes

.:.:.

you know those movies
where it is all fog and nothing but
on top of a wide expansive mountain
and a girl reaches out into it all
and breathes it in
that's my goodnight kiss
tonight
for reals

.:.:.

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:

I was helping my mom in a dangerous situation I'd rather not get into. I know I had to use my voice but for some reason my throat was dry. It was very hard but I knew I had to, so I woke up yelling. This is the 3rd nightmare I've had here, my dreams are always hitting at the deepest parts of me, and lately have not been very nice. Do you think it's the position I am sleeping in?

Chalet Katia

2008-07-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! I LOVE YOU!

The purpose of today's title is to let you know how every home is labeled in Suisse. I even say a Chalet Sonneheim. (not spelled the same). Apparently, they like to label everything. .:.:.

The coolest thing Happened yesterday:
I MADE A FRIEND! Or rather, she made me, like baking a cake. I was retyping, and she just comes and sits on the pool table and talks to me! She is Petra's daughter. And I love her. She says they need to find me a nice swiss boy (did I mention I love her). She also says she can introduce me to her uncle and nephew, who are farmers. Cuz I asked how to make hay. I said
"sure, I'd love to take pictures"

.."and help".

Sometimes I forget that swiss=a huge love for hard work

Did I mention she gave me cantaloupe?
.:.:.

so maybe i am a little bit stinky. Because it costs one dollar to take a five minute shower and five dollars to wash your clothes. Therefore, I wash my clothes while I take a shower. And smile. :) You may be proud though, I am using a not stolen towel!

.:.:.

I am the opposite of alone here. In fact, I could go out at any time of the day and talk to someone. Hike with someone.

.:.:.

"so what are you doing today?"

"enjooooooooying...."

.:.:.
Forgive me for not describing this yet in the most poetic way, but the craziest thing happened : After cleaning the kitchen and releasing energy to the plants (description later), Petra let me use her binoculars. It was the first time I've seen the creature of truth close up. It was open and closed, rock and valley-so very versatile. Anyways, I noticed on some of the glaciers, that the snow is a little brown. I get worried and ask Walter, Petra's husband. He doesn't know what "snowbrown" is, but Petra says it's from the Sahara. I spend a few thousand moments in disbelief.

then

IT"S TRUE IT"S REALLY TRUE I CAN"T EVEN BELIEVE IT THE BROWN COLOR ON TOP OF THE GLACIERS ON TOP OF THE SWISS ALPS (SWISS!) ARE FROM A SANDSTORM FROM THE SAHARA DESERT. THE REAL ONE. IN AFRICA.

THE REAL SAHARA DESERT

ON TOP OF A SNOWCAPPED MOUNTAIN.

They think it's silly that I am so surprised. It is probably the most amazing thing I have ever heard.

I have to admit, at first I thought it was a large amount of dog pee. By a dog named sahara. How exotic she (the mountain) must feel.

Entergetic Flowers-

at the hostel, there are all sorts of red flowers (yes i must know the name) and daisys. Petra wants me to clip the ones that are wilted so that they 'have more energy back"

it was one of the most cathartic things I've ever done. Sometimes you just have to fuck identity and cut off what no longer works. Sometimes you have to give yourself space to breathe. Not sometimes. All the time. I have been both the wilted in the bag and the flower left to breathe. Nevermind all that, I guess.

Today I woke up with "you've lost that loving feeling" stuck in my head. Blame it on the oldies they play while we clean the kitchen. And a sense of impending doom. That whoever thought perfection is overrated was not a believer, and what else is to come besides landslides? death? a drunk liver? hatred? addiction? city lights? These things, that don't exist here-wander past this oasis, looking for other eyes to fest in. What can be done to stop them? Maybe noticing them. And saying hello.

.:.:.

So the craziest thing about being on the mountain is that the entire time you are spent admiring, gasping in the other side, of the valley and how does the mountain you are ON feel like?

.:.:.
I dreamt last night that I killed Lquit Builder the same way I killed Lscoc Disease. Lquit said that he wanted to make love to his ex girlfriend, while we were together-and not only did I kill him, but I think I killed the earth. In a most massive way that I don't remember.

SEX! FREE BEER! SEX! FREE BEER!

2008-07-04T02:00:00.000-07:00

I had to title today this, because that is how all the signs are labeled in the hostel. It will say SEX SEX SEX in big letters and then underneath something like "clean up after yourself, your mom doesn't live here". Hilarious.

That photo up top is my attempt at a panoramic. But I can never stitch them together right and so they come out a bit....more magical? (if that's possible). Sorry it's so small. I have to learn how to do these computer things on my own these days. Want to see some pictures?

My hands still smell like goat cheese from cleaning that kitchen. But I like Andrew, the other half of the couple. Seems like anything harsh can be said easily in an Aussie accent, and sound like it's coming off nice. Maybe I'll use it. Guess what?!

I recycled the glass without breaking it! Yep, I slyly found a space where there was space, and slipped them all in there. It was a great 4th of July present!

.:.:.
So the craziest thing about being on the mountain is that the entire time you are spent admiring, gasping in the other side, of the valley and how does the mountain you are ON feel like?
.:.:.
I did better things yesterday. I hiked further than I should have. I sat on the bench that I sat on six years ago when I first wrote about this land. I hiked up foggy hills. I ate dinner with the travelers. I listened too.
.:.:.

Also, let me know-since these posts are so long...would it be easier to have a picture for each little spoonful, or a picture a day??

.:.:.
I think this is the thing I've remembered best. I think it stuck to every membrane in my mind: Gimmelwald.

.:.:.

They want me to be sociable. To do things with other people. Don't they realize the Mountain and I are on honeymoon...luna de miel....and they are interrupting?!

.:.:.

music is the furthest retreat and nearest magnet. Woke up with perfect circle's dead bodies song or whatever stuck in my head.

.:.:.

these mountains are the closet things that ever existed.

.:.:.

One of the coolest things I saw yesterday was a couple sitting on a bench. The couple didn't talk, or eat. They just sat dumbfounded in front of the world, which lay before them in mountain form. I hiked past them a bit, and joined them, down the path. They didn't know.

Another sweet thing was an old couple having a picnic with wine somewhere in the meadow. "Great spot for a picnic" I say, pretending to be an Aussie. "Just as long as it doesn't rain!" they say, not pretending to be British. It reminded me of one of the most touching stanzas I've ever heard, by Otis Pig: good things are happening all around, as long as I don't look down (correct me if i'm wrong)

what they didn't know is that even if it did rain, it would still be a great spot for a picnic.

Did I want any of these things? Another by my side to take it in? No. I'm not wanting. A lonely man sat outside my door yesterday and spoke of how much love this place gives him, but he has no one to give it to. I'm not ready to share it. I'm giving it to myself. Perhaps this is the most loving thing. Maybe in seven years, I might bring someone else. or not. Haha. Maybe when the honeymoon is over.

.:.:.

(Maybe everything is fleeting. Like super fleeting. Like the dust underneath the cherry blossom in late spring. Perhaps all we do is in the arms of others.
.:.:.

I have the overriding feeling that I have lived for too long and have experienced too many things. I don't just want to continue to befuddle them, but still I ask "why me?!" "Why do I get to be apart of so many beautiful things?" The man sitting in front of me is fat, there's no real way to get around that, and as he sits (he needs 2 seats), he disperses many tiny air-thingies and they fall into my water like cornflakes. I drink them, while watching them and wonder if I will inherit his fat. I remember stirring ants into my coffee in Costa Rica and drinking them. I judge him, but he may just be the most interesting part of my day. He drinks gin with no tonic and may be the only person smiling on this plane. I do not know his name, or if he knows anything about starry skies, I just know he comes to fairy land with me.

I think my problem over the last couple of years has been under-stimulation; maybe that is why I'm seeking out the most jagged cliffs and roughest lovers to penetrate my concentrate brain and get it to stir. This gets dicey because I end up seeking out whatever is the most stimulating, whether it is the good kind or not. I admit I have been fascinated by cruelty and diseases only the mind can experience. The flight is bumpy and it does scare me. The smartest thing about Caydence is that she screams her head off when the slightest thing is wrong. Caydence Elizabeth, a girl I could already learn from. If anything, this will save her. Lguit Builder says that maybe some people will never have to be alone. He called it a luxury. I didn't understand and lately I have been so cynical of couples; how used to each other they are and obviously brainwashed. I want nothing to do with it and therefore I feel as if I am getting better. I want to get married on my golden year (year 23) and tell whoever is still interested to meet me at the first snow in their best suit. When I arrive, I will greet them politely, and then run for the swiss hills. It's thoughts like these which tell me I am getting better. Which tell me I am getting worse. Like a cornflake.

.:.:.

I should be relaxing into jet lag, but I feel as if I am getting my first real live pony tomorrow, and can't sleep.

.:.:.

Lguit Builder says this book is very good, quite good, can't put it down, you are right. But you see, there are a few things I can't do. One is watch movies about affairs, Two is think about loss, and three is die yet-because I have a mountain to go see. I cannot read your book at my state of recovery. Because, if I do commit suicide, it will be with Ytoa, in the oven while we discuss how we saved each other's lives. And that's not now. And none of this will happen. But, the book is great. .:.:.

How to access these vessels.

The ones that unlock meaning. V.R. Mooshe, professional meaning locksmith. Who also gives meaning all the space in the sky, and allows it to hide, if it wants beacuse it's shadow hasn't come out to play.

.:.:.

The most violent thing I saw today was a spider web by the second waterfall on the way to Murren. This little spider was eating a larger bug. I have no knowledge of what kind. Looked like a small coleoptra. I watched as the spider strangled the bug with it's still waiver legs, hugging it hatefully, and sucking its head in. The bug kept trying to pull itself off the pieces of the web, and so the spider kept breaking them loose, this whole process was very slow-and I had no idea an excuse to rest my heavily beating heart wold turn so glum. It took me way too long to get to Murren. My heart kept running itself into a frenzy, I don't know if it's the altitude, too much sun, the fact that the wasser I just drank was from a trough or just that this place is out of control. Anyways
I think I may know what that bug felt like, and the question was whether or not I should do something about it. It didn't take me too long to decide
no.
Only about as long as it takes to decide that someone should die. My reasoning was that this little big would go off into the world, if I had knocked it off its cool railing, and be forever fearful-that it would forever mistrust things, looking over its shoulder
for a spider on the pry.
I thought it was better off dead.
I didn't have a lot of faith in that bug.
I never thought for a second that it would go on to become a better, stronger
bug
and create smarter offspring.
Not until two hours later, which perhaps was the first time that I tasted the soul of a vegetable, the most seductive carrot.

Equation. Spider and I are full. I no longer like spiders. and for a little bit, my heart and that bug's heart beat at the same pace.

Later on, trying on my British accent, I hoped I wasn't the spider. I was young, and my ears and heart not fully formed.

This thought, caramelized with others, helped pay my ticket out when I was stuck in oversized baggage. But that was in '89.

.:.:.

I am still in the shocked lull that Gimmelwald administers. Petra asks me if I would like coffee, I say no, but hers looks good. I tell her I will tell people to be quiet if they are too loud and she looks like I just told her I am really a man. "You'll 'ave to use your big theatre voice!" she says. (Those of you who know me, know I'm up for the challenge.) When will people realize that people, especially actors, are not ever what they seem. Anyways. I could stay in this lull, but I have a woodpecker in my bellybutton telling me I have to do things: like hike, go, do.
But then I remember, I came here to look at the mountain. So I have to remember
nothing needs to happen
nothing needs to happen
nothing needs to
nothing needs
(i need)
Nothing to happen nothing
ever needs to happen

here.

(This was slightly stolen from Otis Pig's page 13, but if you didn't realize-your face is slightly stolen too, from your parents!

.:.:.
Happier is the girl who misses something than the girl who misses nothing. Somewhere. She is not here. / On my wall are a million letters. From lovers and leavers of this place. They are all over my wooden plank ceiling in dozens of marker types. My new goal is to leave something...fabulous. What's wierd about this place is that you can point your finger (my least favorite word) towards the mountain, and the mountains come and meet you. You truly cannot tell the difference. Whats weird is that when someone compliments the place, I feel like the deepest part of myself is fulfilled, like its my daugther, or latest truth. Then, why am I so nervous? I am. I shake a little.
Because....
the mountain keeps taking my breath away?
I am satisfied?
there is no lock on my door?
Nervous because
I wouldn't mind being shot here?
Because I must write everything down?
Because this bench is smooshed into the ground and still a ruby berry grows between the wood.
Nervous because I stare and stare at the etchings in the rock face and I keep finding more waterfalls?
I think God spent too much time on Gimmelwald and left the rest of the world to cry?
I've already met 2 friends and Petra gave me a hug?
nervous because
I intentionally had a day without a camera
I found a pregnant belly in the mountain?
the mountain is pleased to see me?
because
my pen moves as fast as my heart?
i might fall off this cliff?
death has no meaning
here? (and I don't know where they bury their dead)
because this is
enough good and enough true.
i just realized I am alive?
cities still exist?
Because when I revisited that spider web it was not there and a flower hung in its place.
Because I have fallen-rolled down the yellow and purple wildflowers, lumped over the cows and their bells laughed at by farmers "ze rolly polly" because I have fallen for this place and don't know how to tell it.

Hello to my 2 readers. I should send you both a button. Events of the day:
1. Working in the kitchen
2. Hiking to Murren, easier this time.
3. Buying pens and butter
4. Realizing maybe I should start meeting people
5. Sleeping in the sun
6. Having Andrew teach me how to fire the wood stove powered hot tub.
7. Staring at the mountain. On the fourth day. I noticed glaciers.

.:.:.

There is a gorge thousands of feet down with a metal strip going across it: you can put on helmet and boots and walk it. This is where I want to say my vows

.:.:.

I always used to get upset when my lovers would dine me (or Dutch us) and instead of looking at me across the table, their eyes would wander. Well, if we were sitting that that here. And your back was to the mountain, my eyes would wander. Seriously wander.

.:.:.

I am warming up to this Aussie couple. They seriously look and act like two wallabies. Maybe that means I act like a scorpion. (I've never seen a wallaby).

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe

I was with Lsocc and I missed him. Everything perilous that happened between us, I dreamt, in the dream, within a dream. I hate dreams like these. Today I will ask if they can be taken away.

The Breath between whirscapes and landwinds

2008-07-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

Note to future lover: Can you get your face surgically engineered to look like Gimmelwald? That would be great.
Thanks.

.:.:.

There was a massive storm last night. It came and went in 20 minutes. It was asleep then BAM! And the top of the alps were no longer just covered in snow, but in lightning confetti. Future hikers were upset. Not me. Just thrilled to watch it all go by. Last night I wrote surrounded by it all, last night I had to get away from the hostel, and wrote for an hour. I guess this is one moment I will keep to myself, since there is no way of describing it to you. I mean maybe 18 wide angle lenses and a helicopter but....no. Anyways, Petra has not yet figured me out. She asked where I was last night and I said retying my book. She says "you do not like people" in a very disappointed voice. I say no. I say, I can stop writing my book. She says no. I am so many days behind for retyping.

.:.:.
Duties:
Clean tables
take chairs off
Make water bubbles
sort through all food
wipe off counters
stove-wash 10 thousand parts, then light then other part
oven -wash three parts
Wash down counters/walls and dry
Fan
unstrain dishwasher after plugging it
plug sink
clean and dry sink
Floor three steps
water plants
replace new tea towels
take chairs off tables
listen to cleaning music
check spoons/knives
kick people out sporadically
water plants. take out aluminum. and kitchen trash
and whatever else trash
and everything is hot. ow. but really fine and dandy. UNTILL....

The breaking of the glass.

This is the only job that scares me. Andrew, my Australian trainer goes out in flip flops to recycle the glass and to do this you must take a giant mallet and SMASH all the glass which is piling over everything. This is great. Except the glass goes everywhere! All over me, in Andrew's feet. And so I just back away and think-I love recycling, but do I love recycling this much? No. In fact, I think i'll spend the next 24 hours dreading the breaking of the glass. My goal? To find a new boy every day to do this job for me! I mean it is literally dangerous. Or maybe I could make myself a huge marshmallow suit and head out there with a face shield made of plastic. And scream a war cry. So now I have to weigh. Living in the most beautiful part of the world. Cutting my eyes and face and body with glass? Living in the most beautiful part of the world. Getting a work visa and paying nightly is no sweat. :)

Gimmelwald is getting real-er. As all lovers do. But not real enough. I have to admit, I woke up this morning and almost killed myself because I had left my batteries drain in my camera, after just buying new ones. I have to admit that this morning I wanted to be in Andermatt, another Swiss Playground. Guilty? Yes. My biggest fear is waking up next to my husband of 40 years and wanting another. Did that just happen? Sort of. Knowledge helps this, even though I am so used to being unsatisfied. Andermatt is not as cool as Gimmelwald. And my greed is hard to erase. Maybe that's why the mountains spit glass in my face. But I doubt it, these Mountains are good, and don't believe in punishment. They are the only thing in my life that has kept their promise.

.:.:.

So maybe I am soaking wet, and maybe I decided to hike to Sprutz waterfall into thunderstorms with a bag of carrots on my back. Perhaps I thought the flow would be better with so much rain. Maybe I never got to the waterfall and turned back because my camera and Otis Pig's book, and I can't see with raindrop glasses. I might have turned back because I forgot it doesn't always rain like in Olympia, with the misting. In the mountains, it rains like actually. And maybe, after I was dry, I saw other travelers returning with plastic bags over their heads and I might have felt like a sissy swissy. Maybe the real goal is to hike not only in 80% chance of rain, but in 100% chance. Maybe the real goal is to take chances, but what about my camera? Maybe I should go throw my camera in a waterfall? Was it ok that I turned back? Is it ok that I still feel so sleepy? I think so. Andrew says we will all play a card game tonight so I can "meet everyone" I say "yeah that sounds fun" but really I'd rather write. Last night I hid from people. When I come out of my room, they say "neat room, you live their alone?" I say "No, i live with Doby the kitchen cleaning elf" I think I'm hilarious. Apparently I need too much space. I don't understand why I can't just be happy with what I think. I want to sit in my bed and look at the window and write. This is ok by me. The other Katie wants to SAY she went to the waterfall and did all these things but doesn't really want to do them. :) Maybe.

.:.:.

Saw Sage

The Sausage in Murren is white, but not vegan.
It must be plaster because I see no pigs, only swine
(swiss pines)
The sausage in Murren is white,
it must taste like new housing
unless every cow here is really a pig
dressed up as a cow
to boost tourism
Due to the shortage of cows,
and Bud takes the shit for trying to raise them on the side of a Mountain.
They have moved north.
Maybe they have sex in the snow, which is why their intestines are white but
that doesn't make any sense
anatomically speaking
atomically speaking
after six years I start eating sausage again as to not offend my homosexual friend
who brought it over for dinner one evening.
Thought refusing might offend his sexuality.
So I ate it. I eat sausage as an ode to homosexuality. delicious.
I'd eat a saged saw if more cows would come out of the closet.
But my friend was Asian, so obviously I don't have to eat that white sausage.
Hope this doesn't rain on the gay pride parade but
all the meat there all the meat there all the meat there
looks ALIVE

Twef-strings clouds past on a boat on the lauterbrunnen valley

Twef
had big eyeballs and
worked for pauper's beer
at the bottom of the Lauterburren valley. His unwritten resume read
'cloud engineer' but he really held up
Advertisements on the side of the road in a
boat
that swam through the Lauterburrnen valley.
Attaching strings to clouds. Strings as long as the time from your
first kiss
to the 32 time buying his clothes. and brought them through the
Valley. and mountains.
These one dimensional banners saying PRINCES TEETH FOR 2/10THS

or

NOTHING FOR NOTHING FOR NOTHING FOR NOTHING

I ordered one from his red headed niece,

NOTHING IS FREE GOLD
between signature and receipt, we spake.
He started this profession because too man writers wrote
'the clouds drifted by'

secretly, he missed them.

.:.:

A man having gone through a divorce comes and sits by me
with my book and his irish coffee.
"you seem to be in the same scene as I"
Do you think he knows?

.:.:.

White-Out

All the clouds gathered in the cusps of the mountain today
then they experienced greed
and wanted to become it/her/them/they
so they surrounded
suffocated
cherished
made advances towards
made love to
and caused an entire white-out of the bernese oberland region.
But cloud remained cloud and Mountain Mountain.
I trembled as the clouds looked at my face and climbed in my pores.
Traveler 291 was upset that they couldn't see the mountain
but something tells me it enjoyed it.
immensely.
like a downy wash; it will fall out fresher in the dryer, tomorrow.

.:.:.
even the raindrops want to stay and look before they die, they turn into bubbles instead of just sinking into the clean swiss unpaved roads.
.:.:.
imagine the most beautiful thing you've ever seen
now imagine it
blooming
that's what my hike today was like.
past sprutz
into meadows and valleys
into

imagine. the most beautiful thing you've ever seen
now imagine it
blOOming

.:.:.
The man who is from Seattle and sculpts
and now talks about God outside my door
asks "do you want to write?"
I didn't understand.
I want to act. I wanted to get married. I want to listen.
I write.

.:.:.

Now I don't know. But I think God lives here.

.:.:.

You know when you meet someone famous and you feel embarrassed to look at them? That's how I felt about the Mountain today.

.:.:.

"Are you traveling alone?"
...
"Aren't you?"

at this point, it's weird to me that they think they are traveling with someone else.

like, they are mistaken. but maybe its me.

.:.:.

Off Ends

2008-07-01T22:22:00.001-07:00

The nights here are loud. I hear that depends on the crowd. Last night I was awoken a few times. Once to the sound of a very loud drinking game played by a couple of Aussies and Brits. Once to an older man giving the history of Swiss culture, and once to an unidentified suspect, serenading his girlfriend with a love song on the guitar. I can see the biggest struggle here for me might be a social one. That means I have .2 seconds to reform myself into a swiss butterfly. If I've ever smiled truly it was twice this morning where I half realized where I was. Never forget to have faith that good things are to come. The cool thing about this place is that most people are here for a short time only, and they try to make the best of it. These blogs are going to be very honest, they will say everything. I apologize once for offending anyone, and then I
take back the apology. My shoulders wince in pain from remembering yesterday with the pack; their only relief 30 minuets in a field watching the paragliders land (figured that was as good away as any to meet...locals)

I must admit, I stole a towel. It is one of the third things I have stolen in my life: a washcloth from a chinese resturant in Italy, popuri from the same resturant, and a towel today. I had picked it up early this morning when I was cleaning up, and put it on a shelf. 6 hours later it was still there-so I used it. Unsanitary? Probably, but much cheaper than the 60 dollar towel that is in Murren. I put the towel back. How could I have forgotten? I did the same thing the first time I moved to switzerland. I have met two people here. They are really into hiking. I would love to go hiking with them, but I"m pretty out of shape. Also, I'll only have so much time after 11AM when I am the kitchen CLEANer. I will research some hikes tonight. Too hot now.

Dreams of V.R.:
I was auditioning for mary gurauldi and I asked Emiah Lighter to leave so he wouldn't hear me sing. He was offended but I didn't want him to hear me, I was sick again for an audition and very frustrated. But I knew I had something wonderful to offer with "Gimmie Gimmie" but never got a chance to sing it. Emiah Lighter was holding hands with another girl. I let it fly but he knew I was offended, I really was just worried he might hear me sing.

Lights on Lights on Lights

2008-07-01T10:09:00.001-07:00

Te amo vida. I arrive after an exhausting, undereaten and over heated trip from plane to train to train to train to bus to cable car to there -is- way- to- much- in- this -bag. I arrive at Walters and he asks me what I want, and tells me to leave. Wonderful! I was just thinking that everything was perfect and I had no reason to return home for anything, and then he said that, and I just said "oh walter!" Now Myra, the girl who does the "kitchen bitch" job (typical Aussie vernacular) is explaining to me how the day is done. Seems like she hates it. This place is a little different from what it was six years ago: more cars (yes, mom, cars)-more "expanded" and the cows have moved north. The instruments that I remembered covering the floor are sort of smooshed into a corner. This idea of food must have been some sort of mis communication. They give out free beer here and everyone is college age-most people on their first trip to Europe, just having graduated college. Being social here might *might* be a problem (winks). Then....

I don't think anyone understands how happy I am. Let me try to explain. Petra finally meets me, after Walter kicked me out of his hotel. She is young-like 40 something, and has many a glint in her eye. She looks at me and tells me I need to get some sleep. It's true. I'm absolutely exhausted. And it's 6PM haven't really truely slept in awhile. So. She tells me she wants to enjoy a little bit before I become a "kitchen CLEANer" as her husband (also named walter) dubbs. She is surprised at how young I am and she is going to introduce me to her family!! I love my life and I love my life. She makes me tea and tells me that I have my own room. It is Jeff's lodge. Jeff the one from Canada. It is a rainstorm outside and I haven't even gotten to describing the surroundings to you-but MY ROOM. It's amazing. It's out on the deck, and out my window here is this AMAZING view of the swiss alps, I have more mattress then I've had in 10 months to me, all decorated with drawings on the wall, little duvets. Petra says "You will be cold" I say "I will just wear all my clothes" She says "We'll need to find you a boy!" "Just one?!" I say. I think we will get along, I can tell that she will like me. God willing. Anyways. the BEST part (sort of) of this whole thing is that on the top of the room there are Christmas light lanterns decorating the entire ceiling. When I turned them on, and then looked out the window to my soulmate land, I experienced the happiest moment of my life. I'm sorry to say this, but you guys have no idea. Come out and visit me! This is so much better than I could have ever expected. The room is full of hiking sticks and Jeff's stories. I go downstairs "Where's Jeff?" "I'm sorry" Petra says. "What's the internet address?" "I'll give it to you later, it's just for you" Sorry guys. I'm never leaving.

I try to go back to sleep but I have to write like an obese person has to eat. Mom, they even have adapters here for me! And sunscreen and socks! To everyone who I freaked out about my lens cap to, it was with me all along! I like this swtizerland a bit better than the rich one with all the fancy clothes, allthough the air did remind me of tasis. I hope to soak in all the coolness that Jeff is by staying here in his old place. My doorstop is chocolat fondue. I forgot to say a few things, one is that I have to admit that it was sort of weird to hear profanities in such a beautiful place last night, and i'm not sure the moutnains apprecaite it. although, the mt. was young once too and maybe enjoys remembering it's youth. A girl puts on make up outside on the porch and instead of saying "you idiot, we are in the mountains, you hauled make up out here?!" I say "great spot to put on your make up isn't it?" :) Oh yeah, the top of the toilet seat is a cow pie and the underside is a picture of a cow. I haven't heard them yet this morning. After studying little fragments of German, I try to impress Petra. "That sounds too German' she says "well then I won't say it!" I say. She laughs. Above me? A headlamp. Now i can't ignore that. Tonight we shall go night hiking. Oh yeah, and I woke up to jembes.

Post-Partum

2008-07-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Travelers experience a type of post-partum depression when returning from a trip-this new life, these new landscapes, the vagabond have just soaked up, are in danger of scampering away if not fully nourished by storytelling. By remembering. By teaching. They may very well return home or hide away in a dark organ of the body to avoid the strong Arizona sun. I have come to digest that I am the one who will listen to my stories, and invite me to remember, and contrast all the suble details of the past six years of traveling. If I've noticed anything, it's that we tend to reflect our surroundings and my goal is to accept that, and then fight it. I've noticed the difference between the rain forest and the desert is that in one they celebrate the sun, and in the other they celebrate the rain. The important thing is not one or the other, but the fact they they celebrate. To dance in it, make it mean something. The important thing is that we celebrate something, at least one gift from God.

{So please, ask travelers. Notice their gone. Don't ask "how was the trip". Just ask this "How were your mornings there?" That is all. That is the beginning of everything.}

.:.:.

On Planes.

I have been on over 70 flights, being small I have learned how to sleep in every position available. This is a good reason not to be big, and on planes, so that one can be formatively comfortable. But really, who can be comfortable with even the faintest remembrance of 911. My mother is sure that 911 was the terrorist's joke on the fact that Americans dial 911 for help. Some joke. Some help. Some war. Really, I can't speak because I know nothing about it. Except that the war helped break my sisters first marriage and the wildest boy I know is being swallowed by the sea. If you can call the navy the sea. "whats the best part of the navy" "the respect" but really, I respected him more than I've ever respected a breather years before he joined. But really, how comfortable can you be when you look out the window and see that you are riding on a huge chunk of metal, and you've never met the pilot. Bardoff Founder said that he would close his eyes and pretend that he was flying the plane. THis represents every reason we could, and could not be together. Anyways, there have been two times I've been completely out of it on plane trips. One was after 24 hours of straight traveling from Switzerland to Alaska, in which I derived the quadratic formula on my leg (a party trick I had learned the semester before in boarding school), in pencil, sticking my toes up by the 'assistance button' up top. Apparently, I'm quite mathematical when I'm insane. The other time I had spent the whole night beforehand falling half in love with my lover's old roommate, and fell asleep in crash position at the gate. Maybe they thought I was being extra prepared.

.:.:.
Joint

I imagined there were blank pages
behind all of your words
so that I could join you-
dirty your book in digested inspiration
wash my hands of your inspiration
creep between your lines
heets
I was going to ask how you could have managed to waste so many trees.
but it was just an image
in my nation.
Even to Americans, I speak in a British/German/now Aussie accent because I am an adaptable
Dinnie.
sleepy of "girl experiencing the world" salivating it, and spitting it out.
I'd rather be a man penetrating it.

The wheels of the SBB swiss train shriek with pleasure at their mountain land. Pleasure sounds a lot big like pain.
The first book I write will have extra large margins, so you can join me.

.:.:.

My latest notion is this: I used to walk through the world, with a giant "do not disturb" sign between by toes. Many years I spent avoiding being beautiful. "What if they are creeps?" "Creeps are people too" Not wanting to bother, but something switched. And now I walk through , desiring to make an imprint on all those who see me, tired of blending into cultures like yogurt. Being adaptable can only get you so far and in too much trouble. I go to CH to meet my soul mate-some find this connection in a human, but I find it in the pocket of the Alps. Like any good lover, I return, not expecting anything, not attempting to describe it's inexplicable beauty, realizing we have both changed. I will not box it in to be beautiful and allow it to be tumultuous. Not expecting it to anything, but be there.

.:.:.

Zurich
How could
Luzern
I have
Interlaken Ost
Forgotten My
Gimmelwald
Home ?
Oerlikon
Zug
Alpnach Dorf
Giswil
Lungern
Brunig-Hasliburg
Brienz
Wilderswil

1. Where I traveled with angels
2. Where I took my first picture series
3. Where my sister and I waited for a train
4. Where I began.

.:.:.

Where I come from, there are 100 words for beautiful, and they are all
svitzerra, suisse, switzerland, suiss, svitzera, switzerland, switzerland, switzerland
switzerland
switzerland
switzerland.....

.:.:.

The swiss trains run as smooth as that stone on stone on water on stone, when we tried calligraphy.

.:.:.

In response to time: Interregino
I might as well be four months old again, taking in everything for the first time as though they were succulent baby breaths. The trains get too close to each other here and after their whiz I am left with the crunch crunch of my apricot-melot gelato. Not real Italian gelato, the swiss kind. The women here are gorgeous, and we pass under mountains. I have just figured out why the alps are so jagged. It's because of every person who has seen their view, and has gasped. Maybe that's what dents it so. Anyways, it's almost like going back AND forwards in time. I am aware of time when I revisit a landscape and see how I have changed within it. (vamos a escribir mas sobre esto)

.:.:.
Who sits by those red benches
on the teal lake
by the lilies
under the willows?
Who does?
I'd like to make best friends and a cup of tea with them.
.:.:.

Harry Potter's Phoenix is Cooler

2008-06-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

I sit listening to the love I have always tried to ignore, country music-and beside the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, Caydence Elizabeth, whose blood runs through my veins. I must leave, before I think too hard about my sister's comments to bring "unwrinkled clothes" to the hostel, or another trip to Wal-Mart ensues. Going into that store was like turning my back on everything I have learned this far in college. After mentioning this to my sister, she replies "Well, now you're learning how to rebel!" Very true. She had a baby four months ago and somehow manages to be about 10 pounds smaller than me. Still, nothing is more fun than home-made cookie dough, like the kind we used to steal out of the fridge as kids. I must leave, but not before giving my niece 100 more kisses on each toe. Phoenix offers me no inspiration whatsoever, only burning migranes which take over any will to create. The only sane time is the night, which I have been trying to avoid. Making decisions for myself seems to be the theme of today's study. Either I never know or I always lie. Bardoff says I should concentrate more on commitment, that going to three colleges for one semester each, is the "worst plan ever". Lguit says that it's better to keep trying to find something that works better, then to stick with something I know does not work. I'm going with that one for now. For being engaged twice by the strawberry age of 20, I think I've had enough run arounds with commitment for awhile. I tell Caydence about New York in Spanish and plan when I am going to stop settling for the men I am only 25% in love with. Quarters never buy anything flavorful.

.:.:.

Looking at this child is like looking at every baby picture ever taken of me in the face. What's weird is that she is capable, in baby form, of expressing every fear and turmoil that I have. Whats weird is that she is capable of experiencing pleasure the same way. And, as my sister turns into a mother, she shields her face from the sun, she closes her eyes so that she can sleep, says she'll be there to keep safe-and one day those hands will slip away, and not fade, for nothing will have made more of an impact. And no one wants to think about it now, but I see it too much in its impermanence.