Swissy: the cute/nice girl who cleans the kitchen who maybe is not so cute/nice when you don't clean your dishes!

The second picture I didn't take: but is the reason why it was harder than usual to water the flowers today. (hike to Shilthorn). Sorry bout the picture repeats, but I am waiting until my card reader gets here.

The title is the new sticker I put on my food basket today. Before I started cleaning the kitchen, I found a flower someone had left me in a cup by the sink, and also tomatoes in my basket!! People are so nice. Last night I was like "looks like a lot of good vegetables you've got there, I'm just going on rice and pasta". I didn't even know I was asking for anything. :)

So. Plan for the day: Tan in the swiss sun. Wake up. Look at the mountain. Repeat.

And I'll have some writings for you all (if I'm correct I have about 4 whole readers!) before the day is through.

.:.:.
My legs don't even look like legs. They look like swiss logs. Maybe that's how the swiss are so hearty. Before I left on this trip, my friend Lquit Builder said "I hope it's everything you need". I laughed and said a humble comment like "well, it won't be everything, but it will be some things." I was wrong. Everything that needed to happen happened on this hike. It was beautiful, scary, and hard enough to make tears. Therefore, today is a relaxing day. I even had time to straighten my hair!
Account of Shilthorn:
I started out by showing another Aussie couple how to get to Sprutz. On perhaps my favorite part of any hike here, my fallopian tubes decided to throw a riot. I policed them with four Alive, but it was horrible. The worst. After I split from them, I made a pact to myself that whether or not I got to my destination, that I would enjoy myself a long the way. (A little backround: Shilthorn is one of the 'big hikes' that everyone here talks about, and goes to the top of the alps as seen in the picture. It only takes 5 hours both ways, but I left late cuz of work and did not want to return too far in the dar). I sort of stayed true to this pact. After a forest it is straight for a long ways, but I got lost (no surprise there) and almost walked off a cliff that was some farmer's field. After this adventure, I got two killer spider bites that had me immobilized for 10 minutes. I used the teardrops of my waterbottle to rinse it, always trusting that there are fresh streams to fill up on a long the way. At this point it was dire hot, and I had my shirt tied into itself like they did in the 80's, the decade I was born in. Then it was flat for a very long way, which I was grateful for. Even more grateful when I realized that it was uphill for the next 3 hours. There is nothing interesting to say about this part. Except that I stopped every five steps, and had started to get a type of swiss calenture, when the mossy shark's fin started to look like a bed. (Excuse me, a fly just drowned in my rhubarb yogurt). And, I saw cows running down the hillside which I will try to uploud for you, and I stopped frequently to gnash my teeth into a loaf of bread (no surprise there again I know). At the end of this part, two moments paid off the work. When I arrived at ice lake, and looked behind me. I caught a prayer I threw on the top of a mesa on the San Juan and let it go, and dissipate. Few things feel better than forgiveness. Turning upwards, Neutral Milk Hotel was playing around the corner. Maybe it was the absinthe, or the ipod, but there was a party going on in my soul. There is a type of high you get from such physical exertion (I was supposed to work my way on up in the guide book from easy to strenuous but I took a little bit of a leap, just was feeling great that morning). After this was neon neon neon, you need arrows every 10 seconds so you don't get lost. At the top, I was enveloped in nothing but fog, and what stood out were these bright blue flowers. Every time I have been to the top of a mountain, I am impressed by the little crazies that are all the way up there, like caterpillars, or bright flowers. Also at the top was this little trophy garden of rock towers. You know, stacking rocks on top of each other as a trail marker. But this was a Bravo trophy. It looked like some sort of cemetery for bugs or something. At the top was a ledge about 3 feet wide that you (can) grab on to a cable to pass, or just do it. The slope that they were trying to prevent you from, I saw three french kids just totally slide down (for fun!). At the top of the Alps, the mountains did the weirdest things for me. They took of their clothes. Each layer of fog delicately fell until an entire panoramic view of the bernese oberland was exposed. I was higher than every paraglider. And what greeted me 2 minutes to the top? An eagle! And at the very top, a filming for Baliwood! They asked me to be apart. But, it was already 6PM, and I had to be home before dark. I had to stop for nothing. I took a bad bath through falling rocks, and got lost in meadows. While Tif is in Peru getting rioted by farmers, I'd give to see just one. At this point, I'm thinking these Sheep are the hyenas from Lion King and need to get home. I look at the mountain, and find the very valley that stands outside me window. I follow it follow it home. Murren puts on its make up at night. I stumble in the hostel, quite proud of myself, actually. :) More words l8ter.

.:.:.
Maybe i love the landscape because the mountain is as fickle as me
.:.:.
So I feel like an immortal here. An immortal kitchen cleaner. Everyone is always staying for shorter than me and I'm still here (for not long enough!)
.:.:.
I realized that the reason we can't be together is because at the bottom of my soul is a party, and at the bottom of his is a dungeon.
I would have gone
but its invitations were tightly sealed. Only open on fifth tuesdays between 12:01 and 12:02.
The reason it never worked, is because there is a party at the bottom of my soul. That is always open. And nothing can ever change that.
I would have traded my party for a dungeon.
And also, the only thing bigger than the sky, is forgiveness. And forgiveness wasn't at my party, back in 89.
Thinking about how I was supposed to be married next month is like when the waiter comes by and says "did you order..." but they are a new waitress, and you didn't order that at all.
Natalie says "you're too cool to be married now"
I know. It took me a long time to figure that out.
.:.:.
Receipes of V.R. Mooshe
Tomatoes. Sugar. Spices. Rice. Pan. Cook the rice and tomatoes separately. add milk to tomatoes. YUMMY dish!
.:.:.
Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:
Uh, I wrote Hro Round-a-bout it. Way too weird.

.:.:.
I have been here 10 days in the most beautiful place in the world.
of course I can't believe it
of course it will hit me when i leave
i only need one good reason to leave
haven't found it yet.

Zombie

Title Exlpa: Listened to the cranberries yesterday morning while cleaning. They seem to have only older American stuff...
"We like corny romance"-Veronica.

Today I will try to tackle Shilthorn.
(I've been saying that for 8 days, I can't believe it is my second week here, I just fall deeper in love with the mountain)
.:.:.

If it is possible that Sahara sand sleeps on the tops of the alps, and there are glaciers in Argentina...

then maybe the lion has lay down with the lamb

and no one noticed.

the whole world. every shape and soul

longs to be noticed

.:.:.

It is quiet and 'not the same' without the Aussies. Work isn't that bad though. I wonder if they miss having such "big personalities' around and wonder if I should adopt one. I will see if any are for sale in Murren.

.:.:.

Shilthorn: I DID IT!!!!!!! 9 Hours of straight, strenuous hiking to the TOP of the alps (where there is no more higher up, just further). Magnifico. (Plops to the ground)

Lessons learned:
1 Don't stray away from the guide book just for 'fun' because 'fun' turns out to be 'fear'
2. Hiking alone in the alps after 8PM is never really a good idea

i'll give you the whole run down when I can move again.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dreams of V.R.

Njeddy Teddy took me to see a production which was really sort of circus like and not very funny. He kept seeing all the women travelers and saying that the classier stuff was in Seattle. I told him the truth about the play and that there was some actual good stuff in it. I've been having trouble remembering them fully. The mountain just sort of blasts them all out of my sight

Can you tell me, where do the clouds stop and fog start?

(I told you the fog and the mountain were lovers)

Need Milk. Go to Murren. Murren Co-op is closed. Buy backpack. Make content, high-pitched "humph!" sounds for 30 minutes cuz now I am a real swiss hiker. Hike to Gleshalp. Get mocha yogurt and cheese. Get to Gleshalp. Not enough hiking. Hike into Lauterbrunnen valley. Take 1 million pictures. Get hazlenut danish. Make up a song along the way. Walk to Stecelburg. Think about how I love the name Stechleburg. Cable Car to Gimmewald. Get Milk in Gimmelwald. Walter offers me fried salmon dinner.

Why would I ever, EVER leave this place?

.:.:.

Traveler 33 joins m brushing my teeth in front of the mountain today. We spoke in "hmms" amd "mms!" but we both knew we were saying how beautiful it all was.

.:.:.

Petra "Are you hap
Me " Yes!"
Petra "py?"
.:.:.

Rainbow Alert!

Title Expla:

When I am alone in my palace, I run out for one of two reasons. 1. I forgot to take out the garbage. 2. Someone said "look there's a rainbow!" They are fast and fleeting.

.:.:.
If all goes well I will tackle Shilthorn or at least Klichbahm, and won't have time to blog till tomorrow. But, there are many life winds and who knows where I'll find myself.

... or not. It is freezing and rainy today and Natalie is cooking a birthday cake in a cast iron pan, and there was free Nutella! :)

Or, so! I went with a group of six to Klichbahm, which sounds a lot like Clit Balm, so I just pretend I don't know how to say it. Anyways, I touched the snow on top of the alps in a winter wonderland!

.:.:.
Tonight I stood in the denture between paradise and doom.
Doom was H.R. Geiger in real life
just like when my niece was born
when art looks just like real
My shoes sank into ise
and turned me, lazy susan style
and turned my tibialis anterior
like two calculating goat's eyes
or legolas
towards
fog rock snow
gloom
and whatever it was hiding
doom
i wanted to touch it so bad.
crystal rock ice cold hard new
and
Paradise
The rockabye of her wrapping the swiss figurines.
that paper must feel like braided hair

a past before a past.
the stones that pointillism got it's clay from

and refrigerated death

I can't seem to get the worst idea out of my head.

What does one do when they are finally happy?

.:.:.

DREAMS OF VR.

The only thing I remember is teaching someone how to use a listerine freshen strip. They needed one. A beautiful girl I once knew named Lila (who is really beautiful!), told me that I was beautiful, but my upper lip needed fixing.


I keep dreaming about them whom i'd rather not be dreaming about.

Just tell me!

Lesson learned today: Check all stoves before grabbing on to them.

:( Ow.

(It's a little hard to type, not to mention finish the kitchen). I guess lessons can be taught by cruelty, I already knew that...but that doesn't make it moral.
It's a rainy sunday. I guess most of the Gimmelwalders are Protestant. Awesome. I would be very surprised if they didn't believe in God. here.
Two travelers i have talked to lately referred to taking pictures as "documenting"..weird. I call it. Making art. Anyways. Last night some beautiful soul left 'free pasta' (cooked!) for hungry people to eat. So I ate it and the next morning I learned that Andrew had written "clean up after yourself you lazy shit" and subsequently started an entire method of conversation with this person. Not conversation. Argument. Dollies, I was just glad to have free food. It's a rainy Sunday and next week I will ask Petra if I can have some time off to go to church. There is a girl here who has lost all her money, and she tells everybody that. In fact, she tells everyone here everything. In a way, because I am complaining-I am jealous of the fact that she is such a talker. Because I am being appreciative, it bothers me for some reason. I think she reminds me of what I was like when I was fourteen. On 12 seconds past 2 o 'clock every day, I wonder what it would have been like if i had experienced this place....when I was in the same state that I was as 14. A tinge more pure. A hundred forks less wise. I wonder if a cup of wiseness has anything to do with an ounce of sheer joy. I've had nightmares the last three nights I've been here. Today the fog visits the mountain. When the mountain is covered in fog. I love it. I think it's something the creature of truth and I both enjoy.

.:.:.

I name this post this because that's what Walter said when he asked me what I wanted to drink. I kept going through the options and he was like "just tell me!". I guess it doesn't get it across without the accent.

.:.:.

V.R. Mooshe Poor Swiss Recipies;

Carrot Roll: Wrap a carrot in Salami. Yummy and perfect for hikes.

Chocolate Oatmeal: Chocolate cookie at the bottom of your oatmeal, oatmeal, add hot water. And sugar. and butter. eat (as we did in London)

I could describe to you the walk I went on today: but it was only millions and millions of waterfalls of all different types. I'm not even sure how waterfalls work yet, and I don't know who i'd be not embaressed to ask. My dad I guess. He is an engineer.

Dear Papa-
How do waterfalls work?

.:.:.

I had to prove myself as a man yesterday. Andrew yelled "10 minutes till lockout" but Petra wanted to hear me do it. I shook. Then five minutes before I didn't even hear what I said, just reverberated the walls. "So, you can yell" Petra said. I puffed out my penguin chest. Apparently I said please "You must come from a good family" she said.

.:.:.

Yesterday I tried to sabotage my own brain. Who knows why. But the nicest thing was that the mountain wouldn't really let me. I'm getting OCD about hiking. Greedy and Confused, I want all the trails and then get lost and have no idea what I want. sound familiar?
.:.:.

Today I went to a swiss festival! It was for Gimmewald (now population 86!!!) and their skiing awards from last winter. Petra and her daughter Michele both got one. :) Michele and her dad look very similar. Like two cute moles. There were two accordions and one woman bassist who looked like Napoleon Dynamite. I enjoyed their performance so much that one of the accordionists winked at me! Petra kept buying me food and drinks, and as soon as we walked into the tent, they gave me a big welcome and invited me over. It was lovely! When Petra asked me if I wanted another and I said "no" she said "you don't have a choice". :) I guess socializing is very important to the swiss, no matter how, forced it may be. Can't wait to see what's going on there tonight. But man. Fog. Mountain Top. Festival. Bliss?
.:.:.

dipped baskets

I dropped another love baby before I left.

I'm starting a collection of children, with bruises on their heads.
None of them are with me, so they must have left the house
but I never really made one in the first place.

I didn't mean to drop them, well maybe one or two
but they dropped with magnetism so they... fell.

and I never knew the bruises would look so much like roses,
in the sense of that they bloom and then they go.

so I took their wilted eyebrows, and dipped them deep in jelly,
and old Swiss cure to make depression last.

All my girls stayed with me, but the boys forgot their names
so I retell their stories, so I'll have something not to do:


1 is a well known legend
2 I don't remember, but 365 days of tears grows his grave
3 was born five days the same as me, and we grew up that way
4. spun in my veins, and taught me about beetles, but his umbilical cord grew too long so we had to throw him out at 22.
5 the only formed one, came when i was younger-and I couldn't really feed him well because he kept switching boobs, till I had none.
6 we named true
7 came out transparent
8 was made in fire, while his dad was still on drugs, and in fact is still now
breathing
birthing
breathe!

you'll have to ask the doctor why they fall.

.:.:.

(sorry bout the picture repeats but my princess of a cat ate my cord so I can't transfer any pictures. 200 bucks to whoever can send me one!)

.:.:.

The man that winked on me that played these wonderful swiss, wooden and decorated accordians with red flowers like the ones that hang outside of the windows here; that the clouds sometimes water and then the sun burns the leaves. seems like it would be counter productive, right? Anyways, the man that winked at me danced with his face, and slid every neighbor player into the next riff. Mother bass player stood watching it all, and she loved being a part. you could tell. I would too. I did. The first band I will make will include a native american flute for flagstaff, an xylophone for olympia, and an accordian for switzerland. He played as if the accordian was all of his goodness,spilling out as if it was his guts. Boy did I love that, and I fell in love with the player to his right. Apparently they don't mind eye contact in switzerland. I guess in the mountains there isn't much other choice :) I loved that I finally went there. In Switzerland they say something when they clink classes I forget what it is, but if you don' t look that person in the eye...then you have bad sex for seven years! Killer. No peinso tuve una de eso malo Anyways.

Swiss is too swiss
and costa rica is too costa rica
and london is too london

like, I miss the dance of costa rica
but I will always miss the beauty of switzerland
and london we don't miss at all
except that maybe we did it.
I miss the food of costa rica
but I will always miss the fulfillment of switzerland
and arizona has its starry nights and pink skies and bleeding sunsets. how does one think of this?

And I think, maybe I've been trying to recapture some of those first moments

the first time I saw gimmelwald, on the way to Walters. I was 14 and it took my breath away

mine and papa's hike to the waterfall

when we watched Gimmelwald at night from the porch

The first foggy hike to Murren.

I love LOVE that nothing can take this away from me

except Alzeimers. But... it's still was mine.

funny that we always want soemthing of our very own.

:)

I WENT TO GET THE BRATWURST :) :) :)

if something that was not a human
were to look out this window
it would see chinese lanters
on the swiss alps
with sahara desert sand
and be rather confused
"is that, just the whole WORLD out there?"
they would say.



yes,
oh
yes

.:.:.

you know those movies
where it is all fog and nothing but
on top of a wide expansive mountain
and a girl reaches out into it all
and breathes it in
that's my goodnight kiss
tonight
for reals

.:.:.

Dreams of V.R. Mooshe:

I was helping my mom in a dangerous situation I'd rather not get into. I know I had to use my voice but for some reason my throat was dry. It was very hard but I knew I had to, so I woke up yelling. This is the 3rd nightmare I've had here, my dreams are always hitting at the deepest parts of me, and lately have not been very nice. Do you think it's the position I am sleeping in?

Chalet Katia

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! I LOVE YOU!

The purpose of today's title is to let you know how every home is labeled in Suisse. I even say a Chalet Sonneheim. (not spelled the same). Apparently, they like to label everything. .:.:.

The coolest thing Happened yesterday:
I MADE A FRIEND! Or rather, she made me, like baking a cake. I was retyping, and she just comes and sits on the pool table and talks to me! She is Petra's daughter. And I love her. She says they need to find me a nice swiss boy (did I mention I love her). She also says she can introduce me to her uncle and nephew, who are farmers. Cuz I asked how to make hay. I said
"sure, I'd love to take pictures"

.."and help".

Sometimes I forget that swiss=a huge love for hard work

Did I mention she gave me cantaloupe?
.:.:.

so maybe i am a little bit stinky. Because it costs one dollar to take a five minute shower and five dollars to wash your clothes. Therefore, I wash my clothes while I take a shower. And smile. :) You may be proud though, I am using a not stolen towel!

.:.:.

I am the opposite of alone here. In fact, I could go out at any time of the day and talk to someone. Hike with someone.

.:.:.

"so what are you doing today?"

"enjooooooooying...."

.:.:.
Forgive me for not describing this yet in the most poetic way, but the craziest thing happened : After cleaning the kitchen and releasing energy to the plants (description later), Petra let me use her binoculars. It was the first time I've seen the creature of truth close up. It was open and closed, rock and valley-so very versatile. Anyways, I noticed on some of the glaciers, that the snow is a little brown. I get worried and ask Walter, Petra's husband. He doesn't know what "snowbrown" is, but Petra says it's from the Sahara. I spend a few thousand moments in disbelief.

then

IT"S TRUE IT"S REALLY TRUE I CAN"T EVEN BELIEVE IT THE BROWN COLOR ON TOP OF THE GLACIERS ON TOP OF THE SWISS ALPS (SWISS!) ARE FROM A SANDSTORM FROM THE SAHARA DESERT. THE REAL ONE. IN AFRICA.

THE REAL SAHARA DESERT

ON TOP OF A SNOWCAPPED MOUNTAIN.

They think it's silly that I am so surprised. It is probably the most amazing thing I have ever heard.

I have to admit, at first I thought it was a large amount of dog pee. By a dog named sahara. How exotic she (the mountain) must feel.

Entergetic Flowers-

at the hostel, there are all sorts of red flowers (yes i must know the name) and daisys. Petra wants me to clip the ones that are wilted so that they 'have more energy back"

it was one of the most cathartic things I've ever done. Sometimes you just have to fuck identity and cut off what no longer works. Sometimes you have to give yourself space to breathe. Not sometimes. All the time. I have been both the wilted in the bag and the flower left to breathe. Nevermind all that, I guess.

Today I woke up with "you've lost that loving feeling" stuck in my head. Blame it on the oldies they play while we clean the kitchen. And a sense of impending doom. That whoever thought perfection is overrated was not a believer, and what else is to come besides landslides? death? a drunk liver? hatred? addiction? city lights? These things, that don't exist here-wander past this oasis, looking for other eyes to fest in. What can be done to stop them? Maybe noticing them. And saying hello.

.:.:.

So the craziest thing about being on the mountain is that the entire time you are spent admiring, gasping in the other side, of the valley and how does the mountain you are ON feel like?

.:.:.
I dreamt last night that I killed Lquit Builder the same way I killed Lscoc Disease. Lquit said that he wanted to make love to his ex girlfriend, while we were together-and not only did I kill him, but I think I killed the earth. In a most massive way that I don't remember.

SEX! FREE BEER! SEX! FREE BEER!

I had to title today this, because that is how all the signs are labeled in the hostel. It will say SEX SEX SEX in big letters and then underneath something like "clean up after yourself, your mom doesn't live here". Hilarious.

That photo up top is my attempt at a panoramic. But I can never stitch them together right and so they come out a bit....more magical? (if that's possible). Sorry it's so small. I have to learn how to do these computer things on my own these days. Want to see some pictures?

My hands still smell like goat cheese from cleaning that kitchen. But I like Andrew, the other half of the couple. Seems like anything harsh can be said easily in an Aussie accent, and sound like it's coming off nice. Maybe I'll use it. Guess what?!

I recycled the glass without breaking it! Yep, I slyly found a space where there was space, and slipped them all in there. It was a great 4th of July present!

.:.:.
So the craziest thing about being on the mountain is that the entire time you are spent admiring, gasping in the other side, of the valley and how does the mountain you are ON feel like?
.:.:.
I did better things yesterday. I hiked further than I should have. I sat on the bench that I sat on six years ago when I first wrote about this land. I hiked up foggy hills. I ate dinner with the travelers. I listened too.
.:.:.

Also, let me know-since these posts are so long...would it be easier to have a picture for each little spoonful, or a picture a day??

.:.:.
I think this is the thing I've remembered best. I think it stuck to every membrane in my mind: Gimmelwald.

.:.:.

They want me to be sociable. To do things with other people. Don't they realize the Mountain and I are on honeymoon...luna de miel....and they are interrupting?!

.:.:.

music is the furthest retreat and nearest magnet. Woke up with perfect circle's dead bodies song or whatever stuck in my head.

.:.:.

these mountains are the closet things that ever existed.

.:.:.

One of the coolest things I saw yesterday was a couple sitting on a bench. The couple didn't talk, or eat. They just sat dumbfounded in front of the world, which lay before them in mountain form. I hiked past them a bit, and joined them, down the path. They didn't know.

Another sweet thing was an old couple having a picnic with wine somewhere in the meadow. "Great spot for a picnic" I say, pretending to be an Aussie. "Just as long as it doesn't rain!" they say, not pretending to be British. It reminded me of one of the most touching stanzas I've ever heard, by Otis Pig: good things are happening all around, as long as I don't look down (correct me if i'm wrong)

what they didn't know is that even if it did rain, it would still be a great spot for a picnic.

Did I want any of these things? Another by my side to take it in? No. I'm not wanting. A lonely man sat outside my door yesterday and spoke of how much love this place gives him, but he has no one to give it to. I'm not ready to share it. I'm giving it to myself. Perhaps this is the most loving thing. Maybe in seven years, I might bring someone else. or not. Haha. Maybe when the honeymoon is over.



.:.:.

(Maybe everything is fleeting. Like super fleeting. Like the dust underneath the cherry blossom in late spring. Perhaps all we do is in the arms of others.
.:.:.


I have the overriding feeling that I have lived for too long and have experienced too many things. I don't just want to continue to befuddle them, but still I ask "why me?!" "Why do I get to be apart of so many beautiful things?" The man sitting in front of me is fat, there's no real way to get around that, and as he sits (he needs 2 seats), he disperses many tiny air-thingies and they fall into my water like cornflakes. I drink them, while watching them and wonder if I will inherit his fat. I remember stirring ants into my coffee in Costa Rica and drinking them. I judge him, but he may just be the most interesting part of my day. He drinks gin with no tonic and may be the only person smiling on this plane. I do not know his name, or if he knows anything about starry skies, I just know he comes to fairy land with me.

I think my problem over the last couple of years has been under-stimulation; maybe that is why I'm seeking out the most jagged cliffs and roughest lovers to penetrate my concentrate brain and get it to stir. This gets dicey because I end up seeking out whatever is the most stimulating, whether it is the good kind or not. I admit I have been fascinated by cruelty and diseases only the mind can experience. The flight is bumpy and it does scare me. The smartest thing about Caydence is that she screams her head off when the slightest thing is wrong. Caydence Elizabeth, a girl I could already learn from. If anything, this will save her. Lguit Builder says that maybe some people will never have to be alone. He called it a luxury. I didn't understand and lately I have been so cynical of couples; how used to each other they are and obviously brainwashed. I want nothing to do with it and therefore I feel as if I am getting better. I want to get married on my golden year (year 23) and tell whoever is still interested to meet me at the first snow in their best suit. When I arrive, I will greet them politely, and then run for the swiss hills. It's thoughts like these which tell me I am getting better. Which tell me I am getting worse. Like a cornflake.

.:.:.

I should be relaxing into jet lag, but I feel as if I am getting my first real live pony tomorrow, and can't sleep.

.:.:.

Lguit Builder says this book is very good, quite good, can't put it down, you are right. But you see, there are a few things I can't do. One is watch movies about affairs, Two is think about loss, and three is die yet-because I have a mountain to go see. I cannot read your book at my state of recovery. Because, if I do commit suicide, it will be with Ytoa, in the oven while we discuss how we saved each other's lives. And that's not now. And none of this will happen. But, the book is great. .:.:.

How to access these vessels.

The ones that unlock meaning. V.R. Mooshe, professional meaning locksmith. Who also gives meaning all the space in the sky, and allows it to hide, if it wants beacuse it's shadow hasn't come out to play.

.:.:.

The most violent thing I saw today was a spider web by the second waterfall on the way to Murren. This little spider was eating a larger bug. I have no knowledge of what kind. Looked like a small coleoptra. I watched as the spider strangled the bug with it's still waiver legs, hugging it hatefully, and sucking its head in. The bug kept trying to pull itself off the pieces of the web, and so the spider kept breaking them loose, this whole process was very slow-and I had no idea an excuse to rest my heavily beating heart wold turn so glum. It took me way too long to get to Murren. My heart kept running itself into a frenzy, I don't know if it's the altitude, too much sun, the fact that the wasser I just drank was from a trough or just that this place is out of control. Anyways
I think I may know what that bug felt like, and the question was whether or not I should do something about it. It didn't take me too long to decide
no.
Only about as long as it takes to decide that someone should die. My reasoning was that this little big would go off into the world, if I had knocked it off its cool railing, and be forever fearful-that it would forever mistrust things, looking over its shoulder
for a spider on the pry.
I thought it was better off dead.
I didn't have a lot of faith in that bug.
I never thought for a second that it would go on to become a better, stronger
bug
and create smarter offspring.
Not until two hours later, which perhaps was the first time that I tasted the soul of a vegetable, the most seductive carrot.

Equation. Spider and I are full. I no longer like spiders. and for a little bit, my heart and that bug's heart beat at the same pace.

Later on, trying on my British accent, I hoped I wasn't the spider. I was young, and my ears and heart not fully formed.

This thought, caramelized with others, helped pay my ticket out when I was stuck in oversized baggage. But that was in '89.

.:.:.

I am still in the shocked lull that Gimmelwald administers. Petra asks me if I would like coffee, I say no, but hers looks good. I tell her I will tell people to be quiet if they are too loud and she looks like I just told her I am really a man. "You'll 'ave to use your big theatre voice!" she says. (Those of you who know me, know I'm up for the challenge.) When will people realize that people, especially actors, are not ever what they seem. Anyways. I could stay in this lull, but I have a woodpecker in my bellybutton telling me I have to do things: like hike, go, do.
But then I remember, I came here to look at the mountain. So I have to remember
nothing needs to happen
nothing needs to happen
nothing needs to
nothing needs
(i need)
Nothing to happen nothing
ever needs to happen

here.

(This was slightly stolen from Otis Pig's page 13, but if you didn't realize-your face is slightly stolen too, from your parents!

.:.:.
Happier is the girl who misses something than the girl who misses nothing. Somewhere. She is not here. / On my wall are a million letters. From lovers and leavers of this place. They are all over my wooden plank ceiling in dozens of marker types. My new goal is to leave something...fabulous. What's wierd about this place is that you can point your finger (my least favorite word) towards the mountain, and the mountains come and meet you. You truly cannot tell the difference. Whats weird is that when someone compliments the place, I feel like the deepest part of myself is fulfilled, like its my daugther, or latest truth. Then, why am I so nervous? I am. I shake a little.
Because....
the mountain keeps taking my breath away?
I am satisfied?
there is no lock on my door?
Nervous because
I wouldn't mind being shot here?
Because I must write everything down?
Because this bench is smooshed into the ground and still a ruby berry grows between the wood.
Nervous because I stare and stare at the etchings in the rock face and I keep finding more waterfalls?
I think God spent too much time on Gimmelwald and left the rest of the world to cry?
I've already met 2 friends and Petra gave me a hug?
nervous because
I intentionally had a day without a camera
I found a pregnant belly in the mountain?
the mountain is pleased to see me?
because
my pen moves as fast as my heart?
i might fall off this cliff?
death has no meaning
here? (and I don't know where they bury their dead)
because this is
enough good and enough true.
i just realized I am alive?
cities still exist?
Because when I revisited that spider web it was not there and a flower hung in its place.
Because I have fallen-rolled down the yellow and purple wildflowers, lumped over the cows and their bells laughed at by farmers "ze rolly polly" because I have fallen for this place and don't know how to tell it.

Hello to my 2 readers. I should send you both a button. Events of the day:
1. Working in the kitchen
2. Hiking to Murren, easier this time.
3. Buying pens and butter
4. Realizing maybe I should start meeting people
5. Sleeping in the sun
6. Having Andrew teach me how to fire the wood stove powered hot tub.
7. Staring at the mountain. On the fourth day. I noticed glaciers.

.:.:.

There is a gorge thousands of feet down with a metal strip going across it: you can put on helmet and boots and walk it. This is where I want to say my vows

.:.:.

I always used to get upset when my lovers would dine me (or Dutch us) and instead of looking at me across the table, their eyes would wander. Well, if we were sitting that that here. And your back was to the mountain, my eyes would wander. Seriously wander.

.:.:.

I am warming up to this Aussie couple. They seriously look and act like two wallabies. Maybe that means I act like a scorpion. (I've never seen a wallaby).


Dreams of V.R. Mooshe

I was with Lsocc and I missed him. Everything perilous that happened between us, I dreamt, in the dream, within a dream. I hate dreams like these. Today I will ask if they can be taken away.