Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The last thing i want is to be back to myself.


He left at his best, looking and listening
giving me enough fuel and energy to not worry
about where the double u went in orry
and just to focus
fresh. on not me.
and stories. of his.
i could care less if it's gush about
drink party lit lost friends names laugh
in it's untouchable manner. it lets me be
feet away from my claustrophobic soul
and closer to anything else.
how life can be lived that way, focused on one thing or another
how life can be lived that way
fresh
how life can be lived that way
drink
enthralled, laughing, dying slowly.
i will never be slow to love

green hat and metal limb
skin pulled over skin pulled over nerves
extra
a flip of a coin?
i doubt strongly.
and a cry at the mountains while a huge grasshopper hops out of the camera's view finder
and i brush away the red flower on the wood

bye. good.

these mountains. they let me fall. they'll let me recover.



no Paris today
instant tears
piano in the background
it will stay good here
i feel like angels have come to wrap me
.:.:.

Today I almost had a nervous break down because I passed so many people I was certain that I would never see again
.:.:.

I do have many things to do here which would enable, staying
and bugs on mountains are always around the corner. Like, speaking spanish today on the way down from Murren. In Switzerland. Que Bien.
.:.:.

(from before)

There isn't too much fog today, but for some reason I'm having trouble seeing it. In a way its becoming invisible to me, maybe I am looking too hard. I don't know if I hate or am enthralled, so I move
very
slowly.
Today I didn't notice that it had snowed again on the mountain. How could I have?
I often talk about how unhealthy it is to seek comfort, but it is truly what I've found in this place. I've realized that I allow other people to be human, while I don't consider myself to be. Other people are allowed to be unshaven, or angry, or excited about life. But not me. Other people are allowed to be slow, or lazy, or take a day off, but I would never portray myself to be such to the general public. Call it a combination between pride, workahloic, and perfectionism but I have this idea that I need to be as neutral as milk (oh I get it now) to be accepted. This mindset will never get a wafer like me into the theatre industry. It will only cause a deeper and deeper shade of bland. Which clearly I am not. So why do I try so hard to be? It's also the same way with men. They are allowed to be cut, have scars, be grumpy, whatever-and I the perfect polished stone. Princess dilema? Perhaps, but it's rather strangulating.
.:.:.

Today we played giant chess in Murren. I've always wanted to do that. Traveler 87 is like "where are we?! On top of a mountain playing life size chess?" haha. he was exactly correct. The people who work the cable car smile at me now, the swiss are patient with their friends, but once they are made, they are strong. Also, I went to the pool. Apparently God misplaced my g-spot to be on my head, and there was this fountain that poured rushing water down at such an angle and pressure that I could sit underneath the thing and (for those that know me) experience the most erotic sensation of my life. After each bout, I would open my eyes, and see a child trampolining in front of the alps. I don't understand. How the best thing can happen, and then it just keeps getting better. :)

.:.:.

I'm not so bad, me.

.:.:.

I say Sji Thone's name like it's the first one i've ever said
I say Mountain like it's the only one i've ever seen.
.:.:.

Sji Theone: Elias Lighter
Attorney of Not Getting Attached
Numb Emotions Provided
Call for extermination of heart glands
Due to bad burns from past relationships
1st Session Misleading

.::.

whoa. someone's tasting bitter.

taking polls on where I should go.

.:.:.

now that i've found the man I was always looking for
I can actually DO something with my life.

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