Friday, July 11, 2008

Refusing to Break Glass


I think we discover most about what we want
when what we have is waving in the next seat over
at what we could have, who is absent and has left an empty chair.

.:.:.
Nightmares of V.R. Mooshe

I murdered three women by smashing their heads into buckets. It was very horrifying and outrageously scary. I was in a house. Then, my sister and mother had a child at the same time. My mom's came first, he was either Chinese or had down syndrome. He spoke right out of the womb, in English. I was the only one who could understand him. He said "you are pretty good at that" to my mom. His rib cage was totally open, like a bird's skeleton, but the doctors didn't seem to care. He was very, very small.

.:.:.
I talked to Nicole, who had a tea party up in my room yesterday (!!!), about
1. how she likes the city
2. what to wear to the play tomorrow
3. that I should never sleep with my head at the mountain. I should sleep with it "down the mountain", because that is what "they say". To sleep where the weather comes from. This I will try.

.:.:.
life is SO 3D!
glasses clinking
fly buzzing
birds chirping
cow swaying
its bell
german language
mountain default
reset
dog eating
pizza
and talk of eggplant
green vest and wal mart skirt
mountain. default
reset
the world is so 3D.
woman from the cable car
wine. talk of strawberries and gingerale
crow. squeaky door. person passing wall.
foot shuffle pavement little rocks. breathy laughter
boy. blonde. 7. Family. memory of my siblings.
Mountain. Default. Reset
Valley. Every landscape. The girl has found a bottlecap. Sneeeeeeeeeeze
The world is so 3D
.:.:.

Living the life of old men

i've been sad, i've done that
i've walked past choirs of empty benches
to discover my favorite chair is breaking
but sad is just a part of everything

i've had no faith in heaven
and have waited before talking to the dead
to realize that they had so forgotten me
but sad is just a part of everything

I've trusted sad for its comfy sheets and
round pillow but it wasn't big enough
at all.
Sad
is
just
apart of everything
the sad says
'notice me'
and I have so much faith in heaven

.:.:.



Once I was seeing gremlins in mail boxes on my way home. I always see the same white ghost woman waving on the side of the road from 20 minutes that my parents used to watch as a kid. They wouldn't let me watch Carebears due to its 'satanic' nature, but 20 minutes was ok. So, 18 years later I was asking Bardorff Founder what I should do about seeing faces in the mail.
I expected him to say something simple and wonderful. To say "they are not there sweetheart" and send me a hug from Spain. But no. He said that they do, in fact, very much exist-and they needed to be noticed just like everyone else. To say "hi".
This was better than any simple answer.

.:.:.

The Sistene Chapel
looks so unreal
i stare and stare and still do not believe
that they are not 3D images
the creature of truth
this mountain
i stare and stare and still do not believe
that it isn't a pop out card from God

I guess that's exactly what it is.
Inside it is written

"Welcome to where everything exists. You are living here. This is a window to the good stuff, where I live. Hello"
.:.:.

Serenitiy:
waking up, lying on that bench. seeing the pull out cards of the mountain, like pop up cards
like pop rocks
like the sisteenth chapel
unbelieveable.

i feel not apart of everything
very singular

but the best moments of my life were lying on the bench
I was living.

I lived.

The last words I whispered in my grandma's ear was "you're not dying. You've lived. Living is for those who haven't lived yet." I love her so much.

At this point, I have everything. So much of everyone is alive.

And the wind picks up, and there are dozens of crows, even the crows are made beautiful here. They have crumbs in their mouth and buy a ticket to the wave of air and hover maybe 3 feet above me.

Sleeping. Waking up

BOOM WHAT A MOUNTAIN
crows



sleeping. napping. lying down. pop up cards. Eliah.
lets it go. lets it goooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Love is all the space in the sky. Even when the sky is getting thin.

Sleep.

.:.:.


At a stream on the way to Stechleburg, I sat real close to the stream to
enjoy.
I left my stuff on a bench up the way a little bit, probably only 30 seconds from where I was sitting.
After a long while, a British woman came and told me that I should most definitely move my things, because the sound of the waterfall was so strong, it may disguise a robber taking all of my things.
Now, everything I owned was in that backpack, and maybe a small part of me appreciated the advice, but I still think that woman is confused.
Maybe because the stream was so fast, she confused it for new york,
the metro,
the go go going of the city.
You see,
the river always has somewhere to go.
But it's the swiss alps, and I really think that
it's all safe here for now
It's amazing what will happen when you trust people.
.:.:.

WIKIPEDIA:
Naturalisation

Citizenship in Switzerland can be obtained by a permanent resident who has lived uninterruptedly in Switzerland for at least twelve years (any years spent in Switzerland between the 10th and the 20th years of age count double), and has lived in the country for the last three out of five years before applying for citizenship. One should be able to speak fluently in either German (preferably Swiss German), French, Italian or Romansch (depending on the community) and show:

* integration into the Swiss way of life;
* familiarity with Swiss habits, customs and traditions;
* compliance with the Swiss rule of law;
* no danger to Switzerland's internal or external security.

Cantons and communities impose their own residence and other requirements, which may be additional to those imposed by the Confederation.

.:.:.

Today I almost hiked to Obersteinburg, but I wasn't feeling quite right and it was dire hot. So, I turned back early in my jeans. To buy shorts in Murren. 129 was the cheapest pair. Or not. Talked about river trips to a woman in her 30's. Did the hostel's laundry. Rest is above.

.:.:.

123
i'm insane
123
lets get real
1. i live in a hostel
2. i talk to no one
2.5 i eat dinner a lone
3. i'm the prettiest thing i've ever seen.
why don't people want to play with me
123
1. I speak in a false accent
2. I take my book to dinner
3.I wait. Thinking one night is not enough to make a good connection. When every good thing has happened in a small room. in a town that starts with a g.
Girdwood.
A russian Bakery.
Green Room
An English Rehearsal space
Gimmelwald
The pocket of the alps.

I should get out there. I should say hello. To the people. People are plants to. I'm going to crack this one:
I'd like someone else here
too.
.:.:.

The Best From My Ceiling:

EVERYONE: JIM DID STRIP HERE

LIFE IS GRAND! AND I SAY THIS IN RISK OF FALLING FROM FAVOR FROM ALL THOSE WHO EXPECTED DARKER

IF YOUR'RE NOT A NURSE IN WISCONSIN, YOU'RE NOBODY

THE PEOPLE HERE BORE ME

AND YOU SAY THERE'S NO GOD

ANYTHINGS GOT TO BE POSSIBLE, OTHERWISE LIFE WOULD SUCK

(on the ceiling:)
CAREFULL: SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING UP YOUR NOSE

I WOKE UP HERE ONCE WITH A RAT ON MY FACE. SWEET DREAMS

NOTHING CAN DEFEAT YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT

THIS PLACE IS A LIVING HELL

one crazy math equation

and the rest are cliches and boring.

.:.:.

I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this
I refuse to leave
I refuse to
I refuse
I
I refuse
I refuse to
I refuse to leave
I refuse to leave this
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
I refuse to leave this place
alone

.:.:.
Living the life of old men

Sometimes I think I am living the life of an old man.
-what did you do today
-you know, hiked around a bit.
-oh yeah?
-yeah
-nice day
-mm hmm
-what will you do tomorrow?
-you know, probably hike
.:.:.
Lesson Learned Today: Tight, Long jeans are NOT the pants to wear hiking in July, even if it is the Alps ;)

.:.:.

Funny things Travelers say:

"The problem with this sausage is that it's not Nutella"

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